Life

I'm feeling a lot these days. I'm feeling stressed and busy and hectic. I'm feeling tired and lazy and lost. I'm feeling happy and hopeful and responsible.
The thing about the responsible feeling though, the thing is that it feels forced. It's just not me. I'm not equipped to handle real life, I'm just pretending to be. Although I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job at pretending. Paying bills, making rent, going to work, going to class. Making coffee in the morning, going to the gas station, checking the mail, eating fast food, listening to the radio, getting stuck in traffic, sitting through lectures, reading textbooks.
I see how people end up doing nothing with their lives. Because all the mundane things take up all the time. I used to look at people who were doing nothing except going to work everyday and going to the drive-thru at McDonalds and going to bed at ten at night and think how sad they were. Pathetic, I thought. But now that's me and I don't feel pathetic. I feel used up and bored and it's hard for me to get any creative energy flowing. But I don't feel pathetic because this is what I have to do. I have to work a job. I have to go to school. I have to do these things. Right?
Because as far as I can tell this is the only path. I have no other discernible talents. I can't join a band and become famous. I can't just pack and travel across the country because I'm broke and I'm too scared and socially awkward. I can't do the things I want to because they're unrealistic and unachievable.
I really shouldn't complain. I love so many things about my life. My friends and my family are fucking amazing. It's just that I feel like I'm settling into this dull rut and I'm a little scared that this is what life is like for everyone and no one ever bothered to tell me.