Whewwwww...

My eyes are bleary and my throat is scratchy and I feel like I have to cough, constantly. Not the other stuff constantly, just the feeling of having to cough. The sad part about this tale is the fact that none of this was induced by some fun night of partying or drinking too much or smoking a little to much of the devil's lettuce, AKA mary jane. No no no no no, sir! The culprit? CIGARETTES.

Yes it seems that those 'truth' commercials that always make me feel guilty as shit and have a habit of coming on right after those 'above the influence' commericials, which also make me feel like shit, were on to something.

My throat feels freaking terrible! Like someone rubbed it down with sand paper and then took the remaining sand paper and tossed it into my lungs for good measure. I keep doing those deep inhale exhale deals, you know like the doctor has you do, to make sure my lungs are still functioning enough to keep me alive. Given it has only been about 5 or 6 months since I started smoking regularly, but that doesn't stop the side effects! No sir.

Also, smokers cough that makes you sound like an old man is not fun or attractive. I know, you're surprised right? It's also quite obvious to those around you when you are in public place and you step outdoors from the warm building and into the cold air and your lungs are all "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? OH HELL NAW." And then your lungs, that apparentely cuss like a sailor, proceed to furiously reject the cold air and you start coughing and sputtering and everyone around you is all 'SHAME. SHAME ON YOU FOR WASTING YOUR YOUTH ON TABACCO!'

To these people I say this. Yes, I despise the negative effects that come from smoking. But you know something? I ENJOY IT. Yah, there, I said it. Sometimes it's just a damn good feeling to roll the windows down and smoke a cigarette. Terrible to admit, I know.

And whether or not anyone else admits it, sometimes smoking makes you look like a bad ass. Wearing the 80's-esque sunglasses and sitting on the hood of a car while at some kegger or some crappy party, you look like the cool kid from a John Hughes movie.

So there's my piece on smoking. I'm writing this at 2:30 in the morning because I just got home and my body is pissed at me for smoking too much tonight. Aaaaand...well that's it.

P.S. this photo is the only one in which I find this guy attractive. That probably says something about my character. He's the one from the vampire movies and usually looks like a serial killer.

Holy Buzzkill Batman!

Woah, that last post sure was depressing ladies and gents. I mean, I still have those problems but I'm making progress. I'm very close to getting a job which means my lease getting signed, I figured out my LCC classes, pretty much, and you know...life isn't so bad. I hate when I take myself so seriously. Bah!

The only problem with one of the pending job opportunities is...well...they drug test. This presents a problem for me, not because I'm unwilling to quit smoking weed, but because it's pretty short notice and I'm afraid it won't be out of my system in time! Because I kind of just smoked a couple days ago...

So wish me luck finding a non-suspcious excuse to get myself out of that one my friends.

So, in case you didn't know, Christmas is next week! Yaaaaay!

I went really overboard and spent ever penny I had on the people I love, but that's ok. I might be broke now, but at least everyone will get something nice! Besides this year hasn't been the best. Lot's of ups and downs, to say the very very least. Drug addiction, unplanned children, living in a van down by the river, moving to school and disliking it immensely, the list could go on and on. So Christmas signifies that the year is coming to a close and an opportunity is presenting itself for a fresh start. So...yah. Adios 2010.

Stress

I had this crazy idea that after school ended for the semester I would have a break from all the stress. But instead I got hit with ten times as many problems as I had been dealing with. I failed my math class which led to my mom saying she wouldn't pay for any more school with my college fund because she didn't want to 'waste her money'. She also won't give me her signature on the apartment I want to lease for next year because I'm financially irresponsible. Right now I feel so dissapointed in myself, so much hatred for the way I have handled my life, so much dissapointment in the person I have become, that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until I fall asleep for a month. I hate going to school. That is the honest truth.
I wish I could spend my time doing things I loved instead of going to these classes that will lead me to a lukewarm career which will lead me to resent my life even more. I would rather just pick up and move. Just drive away right now and sleep in my car and stop feeling like everything I do is bullshit.
I have become very good at letting people down. I did not meet my expectations for myself, nor did I meet anyone elses expectations. I'm not good at things that matter. I'm not resiliant or determined or smart or independent. I'm lazy and unsure and have absolutely no faith in my abilities. I just hate this.

The Great Thing About College!

Ahh college life. When your pockets are as empty as your liqour cabinet and your brain feels like someone sucked the intelligence out of it with a dirt devil. There are so many...ahem...wonderful things about living this new life of cramped space and overflowing homework. So many in fact I just wanted to make a quick post about it! Inspired by recent events.

Exhibit A) The great thing about college food is that you regret it almost immediatley after comsumption! Sick of all those pesky feelings of contentment after your meal? Then head off to college and try the many contributors of the freshman 15. High in both calories and fat, but low in taste, these food-like products will have you swearing off food in no time! From the pasta-ish spaghetti, to the sort-of-like meat fried chicken, nothing here tastes anything like food!

Exhibit B) But that's not all! You also get to experience residence life! The great thing about dorms is the abundance of noise that is seemingly pointless, and relentless! Whether it's waking up for your 9 a.m. lecture to an incesent amount of screamo, or trying to get some sleep at three a.m. only to be bombarded by screaming and really weird thumping noises, rest is a thing of the past! That's right ladies and gentleman, never worry abot sleeping through the night, ever again!

Exhibit C) And we saved the best for last people, the best thing about college, the complete everything or nothing approach! The idea behind this is for professors to create their sylabuses in such a wonderful manner that for a whole week you'll be bored beyond belief from lack of things to do, and the next day, without notice, you'll have 70,000 pages of reading to do! On top of this, you will gain a feeling of fatigue that never seems to wear off and kind of makes you want to punch a cute baby animal in the jaw!

So sign up today, ladies and gentleman, come experience the collegiate world for yourself! It's just like the movies! Except completely different!