Stress

I had this crazy idea that after school ended for the semester I would have a break from all the stress. But instead I got hit with ten times as many problems as I had been dealing with. I failed my math class which led to my mom saying she wouldn't pay for any more school with my college fund because she didn't want to 'waste her money'. She also won't give me her signature on the apartment I want to lease for next year because I'm financially irresponsible. Right now I feel so dissapointed in myself, so much hatred for the way I have handled my life, so much dissapointment in the person I have become, that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until I fall asleep for a month. I hate going to school. That is the honest truth.
I wish I could spend my time doing things I loved instead of going to these classes that will lead me to a lukewarm career which will lead me to resent my life even more. I would rather just pick up and move. Just drive away right now and sleep in my car and stop feeling like everything I do is bullshit.
I have become very good at letting people down. I did not meet my expectations for myself, nor did I meet anyone elses expectations. I'm not good at things that matter. I'm not resiliant or determined or smart or independent. I'm lazy and unsure and have absolutely no faith in my abilities. I just hate this.