If I could have any job in the world it would be to grow and sell marijuana. I was thinking about it earlier today. I'm no criminal, not by a stretch, but I would love to get a license and grow my own plants and sell to enough people just to make ends meet. I have no interest in money. I don't care about having a big house and a nice car. I just want enough money to pay the bills and maybe do something fun once in a while. I just want free time and open spaces and a happy state of mind. I feel so damn unhappy so much of the time and I just don't believe that's how life is meant to be. I refuse to believe that.
I'm not living the way I'm supposed to yet. I haven't found where I fit in, where I belong, what I should do. I feel like school is a waste of time, I fucking hate working. I just want to earn enough to keep me alive. And I want to do things I love all the time. I want to paint and listen to music and laugh with my friends and write and just fucking smile. I want everything I don't have and I feel like I'm never going to get out. And even if I do I'm scared I'll end up somewhere else doing the exact same thing. Someone please please save me from my own life. Goddammit.
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