I am so lonely that it physically pains me. Just to watch a love scene in a movie makes my heart hurt. To see two people in physical intimate contact makes me want to cry. I haven’t even had someone’s hand in my hand in over five years. I feel it will always be this way. I’ve accepted it because I’m too afraid to hope for anything better. I feel there’s no way a man could ever physically love me, want me, let alone want to have sex with me. I want to be held. I want to be loved and touched and kissed. God I want so fucking badly to be kissed. More than anything in the entire world. I would give my life just to feel what it’s like to be kissed. Jesus Christ I am so fucking lonely I just stare at the ceiling each night wondering what it’s like to have someone sleep next to you. To have someone to hold, cuddle, and yes to have sex with. Sex is something I feel like I will never have. I want so badly to know that intimacy and closeness that comes with sex. The physical part and the emotional part. I feel like I will never know it. I’m afraid of dying this way. Of living my life with a constant thread of loneliness in every piece of my life. Someone save me please because this is one fear I have no control over.