The Ripple Effect

So does anyone recall the essay I had to read in front of the entire school a few weeks back?

The one about prom, the one that I was on the verge of getting sick while reading?

Well said essay has had a very unexpected effect.

It keeps growing. It has led me to be obligated to attend many public speaking events that I otherwise would have avoided like the plague. Today is another one of those events, a 'luncheon' in Charlotte for all the essay winners.

Greeeeaaat.

You know, when I wrote this essay I thought I would just get a few prizes and move on with my life. But it has exploded into some giant time consuming monster that keeps forcing me to either make up excuses or attend these stupid things. It's beginning to get on my nerves quite honestly. I mean, I don't even feel that strongly about not drinking on prom night. In all honesty I may have even participated in said unlawful activities this year had I not written this damn essay!

So now I have been wrangled into this freakin 'luncheon' when I could otherwise just slack off in class all day and watch it rain.

In other news, I am officially psyched for prom!

After obtaining the greatest pair of heels ever plus some awesome bangles and a vintage vibed dress and necklace, I am so ready to hit the dance floor like a bad ass.

I can't wait to go grab some food at P.F. Chang's and then go make some incredible memories with my best friends as our last hoorah of high school. I have a goooood feeling about it.

Discombobulated

I am, in a word: confused.

I managed to mix up everything within a range of 72 hours.

I lost about $70 worth of one dollar bills, accidentaly gave my dad back the camera that I had previously loaned to a friend who needs it for prom, managed to contract some very craapy symptoms for which I have to see the doctor, and befuddle the whole dress altering situation.

And that's just one weekend, imagine what I could do in a whole lifetime.

I am thoroughly confused as to where that money got to, a thick wad of ones doesn't just go wandering off by itself.

On another note, Mother's Day went well.

I compiled a list of why my mom was awesome and gave it to her along with a couple of other little things. We spent the day shopping (with my money not hers, what kind of daughter do you think I am?!) and getting coffee. I bought a pair of heels for prom plus all the nessecary jewelry.

She really loves shopping, it's pretty awesome. All day she kept saying how happy she was to be spending mother's day with me, it was cute.

Then toward 4:00 o' clock we picked up my brother and his girlfriend and drove up to Battle Creek for some awesome chinese food.

All in all, a good mother's day.

Other than that, I've become very confused and slightly lost my much-ness.

Here's hoping that I can get my shit sorted out long enough to regain my sanity.

Zingermans!

Yesterday's adventure was to Ann Arbor, Michigan to pick up my prom dress. Which, by the way looks similar to this... ------------->

So anyway, while in Ann Arbor we got a bit peckish...people still say peckish right? Right.

So we decided to go in search of the infamous Zingerman's Deli. They use locally grown ingredients, have a bigger variety of cheese than I've ever seen, and the staff is a bunch of friendly granola crunching hippies! My kind of place, to the T.

So I got the Dave's Open Road sandwich, grilled chicken, thick crispy bacon, fresh lettuce, meunster cheese, and a ranch dressing that they make themselves.

It was, without a doubt, one of the best meals I've ever had. Paired with the homemade garlic pickle and salt and vinegar kettle cooked chips, heaven.

Plus the environment of the restaraunt was the best I've ever experienced. All the people were genuinely happpy to help, not that fake friendly that seems forced. They offer samples of every single thing in the place from the goat cheese with peppercorns (tried it, amazing) to the chocolates that are 7 bucks for 3 (also tried it, amazing).

Zingerman's has definetly moved up to the top of my list for places to go when I need a pick me up and a damn good sandwich.

Breaking Bad

Holy shit.

I just watched episode 7 of this season of Breaking Bad.

Mind. Blown.

Plus, I watched it in class through headphones surrounded by people.

So I was silent.

Even though I really wanted to be like...

"HOLYFUCKHOLYFUCK!"

"WHHHHHAAAAAT!"

"OH MY GOD."

Also, there may have been one part where I wanted to cry, just a little.

God that show is amazing.

I'm Feelin Sane Today.

Last night I had a slight mental breakdown about leaving for school.

I talked to my mom about it for hours and it's hard to explain exactly how, but she made it sound so logical for me to stay in Lansing and go to LCC. This added to the ever-present stress that has been steadily building in the back of my mind caused me to just break, in a way.

It was more like I was just so confused on what to do with my life it felt like my brain was melting. However, after a few hours of dazed thoughts and cogs clicking in my brain and meditation, I had an epiphany. I have decided that I have to go.

I have to know what it's like and I have to prove to myself that I can do it. It's like, I was thinking that I was so scared of it that I needed to dive in headfirst in order to conquer that fear. Now I honestly and truly believe that I will be happy there and that it will be scary and intimidating but it will also make me stronger and help me find who I truly am.

I have to know that i can do this, and do this on my own specifically.

Worst comes to worst I will spend a year there and decide it's not for me.

Now, this whole thing may just seem like another indecisive teenager not being able to make up my mind but it's something more than that. It's hard to explain but something just clicked. I no longer feel terrified and like I'm going to fail, I'm just happy.

I no longer feel like I'm drowning. Halle-fricken-lujah!

The Realization...

Less than thirty days from now I will be done with high school for good. As much as I want this, in case you couldn't tell from all my previous blogs, I am also sad to see it go.

Mostly because I'm genuinely scared to move on to college. Yah, I said it.

I'm scared to move an hour away from home. I'm scared that I won't make any friends. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle the classes, I'll get homesick, or I'll feel lonely and bored all the time. I'm scared that my awkward social skills will get me nowhere and I will end up going to zero parties and knowing zero people. The list goes on.

I just wish I had a better idea of what it would be like. I wish I could have a gaurantee that it won't be miserable or awkward or lonesome.

Can anyone make me that gaurantee?

The Big Apple

My bucket list holds many things that I want to accomplish. See the Northern lights, get published, live in Chicago.

But maybe the most important one on that list is to see the New York Skyline. Not only that but also to visit the Imagine monument in Central Park dedicated to John Lennon.

Going to New York has been something I've wanted ever since I can remember; and this summer I will actually be doing it.

My dad has promised me a three day trip to New York as a graduation present of sorts. Now, we will be living on a very tight budget and doing things that are free/ cheap to the max, but that's O.K. with me.

Just to be in one of the greatest cities in the world will be the highlight of my summer.

I have a plan mapped out of things I want to do while I'm there. I want to go to Washington Square Park, visit the Museum of Modern Art, get coffee in Greenwich village, eat at Peanut Butter and Co., take the ferry to Liberty Island, get my picture taken in Times Square, buy a cheesy I heart NY t-shirt, take a stroll through Central Park...basically every touristy things you can do in the Big Apple, I want to do.

Usually my apporach to visiting other cities is the complete opposite, I want to scour the place for unconventional things to do and avoid the tourist trade at all costs. But I get the feeling that New York City is a big enough place that scouring it for unique things to do would take the entire trip. So I will be fine with soaking up the city via a guidebook and getting ridiculously excited when we do things and come acrosss things that are famous.

Oh, did I mention that I can't wait for it to be summer?