Protesting the Outdoors.

I woke up today, cracked my eyelids as the sun assaulted my vision, and realized that outside my window there was a layer of snow covering the ground. I rolled over, groaned, and cursed Michigan for it's fickle sense of weather. I mean really, it's almost May! So I've spent the day pouting about it by refusing to go outdoors. I started the day by learning how to use the new french press we just bought, and smoking a cigarette inside (breaking my own rule). I then proceded to watch 3 episodes of Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations and applied for about ten online jobs. I am now watching the U.K. Skins and getting on Tumblr. Later I'm going to make spaghetti and then finally I will venture outdoors top go to my sociology class. So until then, I will stay snuggled up in my freshly washed blankets watching crappy overindulgent tv shows on Netflix.

I find myself...

I find myself so often scrambling to finish my homework at the last minute. Admittedly, procrastination is one of my greatest faults! But this time it was kind of justified. Michigan had it's first warm day in about five months today. And I'm not talking sorta-kinda-maybe warm enough to go out without a jacket kind of warm, no no. I'm talking about 82 degreesunshine so bright you need sunglasses and shorts kind of weather!
So instead of sitting inside dying but responsibly completing my assignments, I went kayaking for over three hours on the Grand River. I got sunburned, I look like a lobster, but it was so beautiful. It's almost indescribable the kind of view you get from a kayak. We also stopped for lunch on the bank of the river and had crackers and strawberries and cheese and drank orange pop and just let the sun warm us up and it was so PERFECT.
It really was a beautiful way to spend an afternoon. The only problem was I had to come home and dive into the intimidatingly large pile of homework that I put off and though I am now giving up, I have been working on it since about 8 and it is now almost two in the morning. WOW. And I'm still not even all the way done! Yay college!

Oh College, You Fickle Creature

College is such an enigma to me. Sometimes I feel right at home amongst all the coffee drinking hipsters, the loud talking party girls and frat guys with their hats turned sideways talking to their bros about god knows what. Other times I'm thinking...what am I doing here? Especially when I was going to school at Central I was always at either end of the spectrum, either really happy to be out of the house, or really misplaced and lost feeling. And it wasn't just that I was living off ramen noodles and cigarettes. Things were just weird in general.
And it's not just the social aspect of it, the academia sometimes feels over my head. Other times however, something clicks and I actually feel like I'm being challenged and I'm learning something interesting and useful.
Now that I'm back at the local community college I feel like I'm cheating and taking the easy way out even though I'm told that it's the same education for a lower price. Which is probably true. But I can't help but feeling that it's the simpler option. Not as much thought and effort involved. But maybe that's good. I have always preferred doing other things with my time instead of going to class. Even in high school my attendance record wasn't great. My problems are many, they include not going to bed until very very late at night, not waking up until very late in the day, procrastination, laziness, failure to plan ahead, and the general assumption that the things I really need will find me and fall into my lap.
For these reasons and many others a four year university was a waste of money for me at this point in my life. I'm unorganized, and I'm kind of a stoner. Since getting this job I have been feeling a little more responsible but even so I'm nowhere near as prepared as I should be. Anywho, I'm applying for another job tomorrow but I also have a huge amount of work due for my writing class that is all scattered across my desk. Oh well!

4 A.M. Munchies

It's strange the foods you crave at 4 in the morning after being up all night. Even though I am not drunk, not even close, just the fact that it is so late/ early makes me crave junk food.

On the way back to my house after leaving a house party that was very sub-par, and don't worry I didn't drink or I wouldn't have driven, my friends and I stopped at the 24 hour gas station in my town. The glaring flourescent lighting, though terrible for eyes used to dimly lit rooms, shines a halo over the aisles and aisles of twinkies and potato chips.

Scanning the rows for the perfect late night snack, to top off a not so perfect evening, while still trying to remain on a diet is one of the tougher things in life.

I finally decided on chocolate milk and then came home to eat leftover chicken from who knows how long ago. Now here I sit, head throbbing quite unfairly due to the fact I did not drink, and about to crash and sleep until 1 o clock tomorrow afternoon. Hoping no one in my house wakes up. Patting myself on the back for avoiding a hangover.

I don't understand fishing metaphors!

Yah I stole the title of this post from Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs because I love that movie even though I'm way too old to be watching it.

Anyway, a few semi-interesting things have happened over the last few days. I'll start with the most important.

I don't know if I've really said it on the blog before but my job requires me to pay for parking EVERY TIME I GO. It gets really expensive because it's $1.50 an hour and I work 5 hour shifts, plus i only get paid 8 bucks an hour so come on that's like my whole first hour and a half of wages, this does not make me happy! So, being the genius I am I decided to find a new job and stop paying for parking. I got two interviews, one place offered me the position but I declined because I figured the other place was closer and I would nail the interview, so I was like 'Nope! Not gonna accept this job that is reliable and already set in stone!'

In short, I did not nail the next interview. In fact...I failed quite epically. So I already put in my two weeks notice and now I don't have any other prospects besides maybe becoming a hobo! Great right? Michigan is not exactly a pretty place for employment right now.

The other actual interesting thing is that I went to a great bonfire the other night. All my old friends were there and I made the wise choice not to drink too much and I had a really awesome night in general! It was a really good way to chill me out after all the pressure from the job hunt and class and all that jazz. Sooo anywho, that's the update on my life. Wish me luck on the job front and I hope all my dear readers are living less stressful lives! :]

Those Were the Days

What ever happened to the way I used to live? I feel that every part of life has a certain feeling to it, a certain vibe that covers everday activities and sums up the way in which your life is being conducted. A year ago that vibe started going from relaxed and happy to feeling edgy and spending days doing boring things.

My theory is that this started happening when I began spending less time with my close friends. The transition started slowly, I think the first step was when two of my friends became much closer. Which is great thing, don't get me wrong, but that's where this new stage began without a doubt. Then I left for school and drifted further from the things I had come to rely on to feel better. I felt stranded and was grasping to the things I used to love as a last ditch attempt at resuscitating my social life. It came to be that instead of doing things like going to the store together to wander around or taking walks or going on fast food runs for chicken nuggets, that our only point of contact was when we went to a party. The only social interaction was when we were drinking or smoking.

This has bled into the present. Where I now have job and a schedule for classes that gaurantees me no real social life. My two friends that became close over the summer are now like family. I don't mean to sound whiny or ungrateful, I'm just unhappy with the feeling my life has right now.

Whereas a few months ago I was sure I could do anything I wanted with the next year I now feel that I am stuck here because I don't have the monetary means to move nor do I have someone who would want to accompany me, and I'm sure living alone in another state would be just as depressing as living alone here.

So there's my two cents about the path my life has taken recently. I can only hope that things will start to look up and that I will have some kind of brilliant reawakening that brightens the things to come.

Alone, Again

I'm getting quite used to being alone. I spend most of my nights by myself for a number of reasons. Thee main one being that either my friends have to work in the mornings or they are doing their own thing. I seem to be the only one not...doing my own thing, I guess. It gets pretty lonesome considering the only other member of my household goes to bed at 8:00 every night and I can't even think about falling asleep before 3. I sit around and try to do entertaining things, I often end up doing workout tapes and wii fit around midnight and hoping none of the neighbors are awake and spying on me. I watch full seasons of t.v. shows on Netflix and I play Super Mario Brothers and I sit outside and listen to the rain.

But it does feel rather lonely I have to admit. I feel so cut off from the world late at night somtimes, like the whole planet is asleep or at least with a companion and here I sit. Again. For the thousandth night in a row. With nothing to do.

Oh well I guess it will pass. I wish I could fall asleep.