The Final Countdown

This is officially the last day of my high school career. In less than two hours I will be released into the world as a high school graduate, supposedly ready to take on anything.

But right now I'm just thinking back on everything I have done within the confines of these walls over the last 4 years. I have laughed, cried, been pissed off, annoyed, sentimental, happy, and downright bored in this building more than any other place, with the exception of my own home. How am I supposed to be able to handle this? How am I supposed to be able to easily say 'peace out' to every person I've taken so long to get to know. My whole life has been spent in a building with these people eight hours of the day, being empathetic, apathetic, and straight up pathetic together.

I relate to everyone here. I know them. I can talk to them.

I'm scared to leave all the people I know and love for a whole new batch that I have to endure small talk and uncomfortable silences with.

I'm scared I will never find anyone I'm as close to as I am to these people. I am just downright scared for this chapter of my life to come to a close.

I have loved these years. They were the best of my life.

Aloha.

So last night I recieved some incredible news.

Well, let me catch you up to speed a bit first.

My mom and I have been on the hunt for a vacation to take this summer. The catch is that every single year we have gone to Jamaica or Mexico and done an all inclusive package. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. These places are beautiful and warm and fun, it just gets a little dull after doing it for like...6 or 7 years in a row.

So this year I put my vote in to stay in the U.S.

Specifically I wanted a trip where we could maybe go hiking or kayaking, I suggested Colorado or Washington. She found a few trips but most were out of our price range.

And then...something amazing happened. Last night I came home and she told me that she had found a trip to..drum roll please...HAWAII!

I couldn't even believe it. If Washington was out of our price range then how was Maui not? But she said that Hawaii was worth it and to consider it my graduation gift. Actually, originally, she said that I had the choice of either being handed $1,200 dollars or taking the trip to Hawaii. I had to mull it over for a second, I mean $1,200 dollars could fund my whole summer and the first half of the semester. But overall I decided I would always regret it if i didn't do this trip.

Soooo moral of the story is...I'm fuckin pumped.

Onto the Second

I already watched the whole first season on dvd last week. Last night I rented the second and watched the whole first DVD. I was up until 1 A.M. Worth it.

The Coming Months

This summer is sure to be a great one. It will be the final summer I have at home with my best friends all in one place with nothing to worry about but having fun and living as much as possible. As is customary every summer, there must be to-do list to accomplish. I mean, there have to be goals set in order to squeeze all the awesomeness possible out of the next three months. Otherwise I may very well just end up sitting inside rewatching Breaking Bad seasons on DVD. Yah, I had to mention Breaking Bad. I want to see how many posts I can nonchalantly squeeze that show into... Anyway, here, presented to you dear followers, is a sneak peek at what my list holds so far. Ta-Da!

1. Get drunk and walk to the playground from Katie's house
2. Lose 20 pounds (I'm already 3 pounds closer)
3. Go golfing, cart rental and all
4. Take a 'get in the car and drive' road trip
5. Sleep out under the stars by the fire
6. Go back to Mesick for some sweet camping
7. Get a perfect kiss
8. Camp in the woods at Blissfest
9. Take the New York Trip without a hitch
10.Read five full novels in the comfort of my hammock
11. To keep a Jason Mraz style outlook
12. Go to Warped Tour
13. Get a tan
14. Not constantly worry about leaving for college
15. To remember to take a breath, and just go with the flow

I'm Addicted

Everytime I even get near a computer with internet access I am compelled to google pictures, videos, and articles concerning Breaking Bad.

I don't know why!

I think I love this show way too much. I have watched every behind the scenes interview, sneak peak, and commentary there is at AMCTV.com, not to mention whatever I could dig up on YouTube and Hulu.

I have found pictures, online articles, and reviews discussing and portraying the acting and careers of the various actors on the show. *cough cough Aaron Paul*

Plus, I have watched and rewatched all the episodes both on DVD and OnDemand.

I have a problem! I need Breaking Bad Anonymous to help me kick this habit.

P.S. Does anyone else see the irony in the fact that I'm hooked on a show about cooking meth?

P.P.S. I just realized how many past posts contain mentions of this show. A fucking lot.

Hey Beautiful

This weekend turned out to be mighty interesting.

A trip to the hookah lounge on Friday evening around midnight brought a boy.

A boy named Andrew who is from Jackson and who told me straight out that he thought I was beautiful. When he was on his way out he asked for and recieved my phone number and we have been texting back and forth since then.

He seems like...not my type. But he also seems like a very nice guy who is confident and persistant if not a little overbearing.

He has requested that I call him tonight to make plans for this week. I don't know what we'll end up doing but I do know that I am excited and nervous.

I hope I'm not a dissapointment or vice versa.

That was my Friday night.

Saturday Sisi, Katie, Jess, Renee, Ethan, Tyler, and Mike all came over to my house to chill and smoke a lot of cigarettes and drink a little. We laughed a lot, talked about and quoted Clerks 2, and spent some time in the hot tub. I did get drunk, but I did not wake up hung over. Score.

Sunday was chill. I did some shit I've been meaning to do all week, though I still haven't addressed my open house invites. I went to Kristi's house to join she and Melissa in a little sun bathing, a walk down her road, and a cermonious burning of their band uniforms.

I also watched the newest episode of Breaking Bad last night.

I love that show like no other, but it bothers me sometimes. I hate how there is just as much focus on what ISN'T happening as what IS. There are often full episodes in which there is no action at all and the entire plot takes place in one room or area. Last night was one of those episodes.

But oh, did I mention? I'm in love with Aaron Paul. A.K.A Jesse Pinkman.

Pickin Up What I'm Puttin Down

Right Now I Love:

-Bright Eyes

-When the sun shows itsself

-Breaking Bad

-Zycam

-Donnie Darko

-Pictures to document things

-My professor vest

-Reading Reading Reading

-Knowing my way around

-Daydreaming

-Eating healthier

-Blocking the world out for a day at home being a couch potato (AKA Breaking Bad marathon)

-Aaron Paul

-tumblr

Right Now I don't Love:

-Stories that I've already heard

-Snarky remarks

-Rain

-Worrying

-A sore throat and runny nose

-Procrastinating clipping my nails

-Justin Bieber

-All the good stuff being during the rainy weekend ( I.E., Art Festival and Ox Roast Fest)

-Not remembering what I was thinking so hard about 5 seconds ago

Under the Weather

First off let me just clarify something:

"My friends lost their dog."


"That is a picnic over there."


"They're doing that completely wrong."


That is how you use all the versions of the word 'there'. I know how to use them. Bam.


Next, I am feeling a bit under the weather. I am feeling all the tell tale signs of a cold, scratchy throat, runny nose, coughing, sneezing, all that business. So I am not enjoying that. I woke up more tired today than I ever have in my life. I could barely crack my eyelids.


I'm not implying that this is the worst cold ever or that I deserve any kind of pity, just that I am feeling pretty damn drained today. I'm thinking heading home after LCC is a good plan.


Also, more thoughts on college.


To be clear, no one will ever replace the friends that I have had throughout the last 9 years of my life. These girls have been my other half for a long time. I am going to miss them like crazy when I leave and I will force them to come visit me all the freaking time at CMU. I will not just be casting them aside, I will make sure they remain in my life for a long time. You can't be as close to someone as I am to them and then just stop talking to them. No.


Just thought I should put that out there.


In other college related news, I picked my dorm and my dorm mates after a nice lengthy frustrating process. I didn't get my first, second, third, fourth, or even fifth choice for a dorm. But whatever, they're probably all the same anyway.


So let the search officially begin for the perfect comforter, the cheapest microwave, and the nicest set of headphones I can find. I am officially on my way to college.

Pushing Daisies

So does anyone else remember this fantastic show that was beautiful and original in every way?

It was called Pushing Daisies. It had Lee Pace as Ned, a man who had the ability to bring the dead back to life with the touch of a finger.

Nevermind the fact that Lee Pace is incredibly attractive and my perfect man reincarnate in a television character, this show was awesome!

Not only did this show have the most beautiful cinematography and graphic enhancement of natural landsacapes, the acting, writing, and general vibe of the show was so brillant I never wanted to take my eyes off it.

It had this great narration always playing that either made everything seem fantastically tragic or incredibly beautiful, sometimes both.

However, being the masterpiece of originality that it was, of course the network cancelled it.

I deeply loved all the characters and story lines of this show and I just can't stand that it was taken off the air. Tragedy.

A Sum Up of My Prom Weekend

Prom was incredible.

I have heard countless skeptics say how prom is just not worth the hype. It's boring, overpriced, and made out to be this grand event, they say.

But to me, my senior prom was everything I had built it up to be, and more. It was better than junior prom by a mile. My dress was exactly what I wanted it to be, the shoes and necklace and all the small details worked out perfectly.

(that's me in the blue)

The timing on the day of prom was perfect. Dinner at P.F. Chang's was perfect. All my friends0-from close to aquaintances-looked wonderful and everyone was just as excited to see eachother as the first day of school. The view overlooking the stadium from the outdoor seating was incredible. Having the feeling that this was our last hoorah of high school , was perfect.

The evening was beautiful and everything went better than I could have ever hoped for. I didn't stress or freak out or any of that business. The only thing that could have possibly been seen as bad was the feeling of sadness weighing on me. The feeling that all these people that I have known for so long, people who I love and enjoy the company of, will be nothing but memories after this summer.

It's incredibly hard to believe that high school is truly over. I've spent the last 12 years of my life building up to this and I can only say that it feels simulatanously surreal and wonderful. There is always that feeling of sadness behind it all though.

After prom we drove out to Tyler's house and the girls did some drinking and we all laughed until tears were streaming down our faces. Renee and I left around 3:30 and hit Speedway for some snacks. We then proceeded to go park on the side of the road, lay on the hood of the car, smoke cigarettes, and talk about life in general. All in all, the evening came to an end around 5 A.M. when we put in Donnie Darko and fell asleep. Beautiful.

The next night was spent wandering the town with Mark, Katie, Jess, Kristi, and Melissa. Buying late night slushis and hanging around the park seeing who could swing the highest.

Monday was Senior Skip Day so we got together with a few other people and met at Denny's for some waffles and good times. After Denny's we hit the mall, and Goodwill where I bought James and the Giant Peach on VHS. I'm suprised we didn't get kicked out of either one actually... we have a habit of being a little to loud. We then met up with Nic and proceded to Kristi's house to watch Sherlock Holmes, discuss mustaches, and drink lemonade.

After being dropped at home I spent the night eating leftover Korean food and catching up on Breaking Bad (which is finally back on my OnDemand menu btw).

So, all in all, the best three day weekend and prom night a girl could ask for.

My Perfect Year

If I had complete control over my fate, unlimited funds, and a bottomless well of courage to draw from, heres what next year would be.

I would spend the first semester in New York, going to Columbia and studying English. I would go out every night; to art galleries, clubs, and amazing restaurants with people who loved writing and music as much as I do. Instead of a dorm I would have a loft apartment with a view of the city skyline. I would be close enough to walk to all my favorite coffee shops, parks, and and of course music venues.

My second semester would be spent abroad in either Italy, Paris, or England. I would meet lots of cute boys with very hot accents. Oh, and just for good measure these boys would think I'm adorably American. I would spend my days studying the famous works of historic authors and my nights exploring and discovering the city. I would also go on adventures that stretched into the early morning.

So, I'm just sitting in class daydreaming and I thought I would share. There you have it, the perfect freshman year of college.

As good as it all sounds though, I'm glad to only be going an hour and a half from home. I will at least be familiar with the state and can always run home to gripe to my mom and do my laundry.

I had time to kill, it's dead and buried

So today should be pretty simple. We're having a party in my Newspaper Production class to celebrate our teacher's last day, she is super pregnant.

Fourth hour I will do nothing like always and then after enduring fifth hour I will be heading into Lansing to meet up with my dad for some food and conversation.

I don't see him too often so I'm trying to make some time for him; maybe that way he'll feel slightly included in Prom. He's always moving from a rented room to a studio apartment to just living out of his van, so he's kind of in his own corner of the universe. But he's still my dad, so I try to go hang out with him at least once a week.

Oh, by the way, a couple of updates.

My brother left for his 90 day inpatient rehab on thursday morning. We'll see how long he lasts. I know for a fact he was loaded all week before he left, but I guess if he wants to put himself through withdrawl in rehab that's his business.

Second, I finally cleaned out my hole of a room last night and found $100 that I forgot I even had! Hello prom fund.

I also found my CMU scholarship papers, my camera charger, Mel's memory card, and all the shirts I've been looking for. It was all in the abyss of one laundry basket... weird.

So today has a really good vibe. Everything is figured out, and I feel very chill. Chill..and hungry.

Someone make me some french toast.

Pros...Cons

With all this thinking about college and home and friends and change lately I decided to compile a list. A list of all the things I will miss about home when I leave, and about all the things I am looking forward to about college.

What I Will Miss:

Seeing my mom's face everyday

Being way to comfortable with my friends

Watching whatever I want whenever I want

My mom's homemade vegetarian lasagna

Knowing the town like the back of my hand

That feeling of being home

Feeling utterly comfortable

Spontaneous trips to the gas station for slushis

My Cat

My Bed

What I'm excited for:

Meeting my new roommates

Living in a new place

Being self reliant

Seeing what it's really like

Proving to myself that I can do this

Finding out who I really am

Being Brave

Buying all new bedding for my dorm

Discovering a new city

Discovering Campus

Telling my mom about everything I'm doing

Maybe finding a guy who's actually interested in me

Seeing what life is like outside the walls of Eaton Rapids

Rain Rain Rain

A continuous drizzle has taken over Michigan.

A bulky black rain cloud has permanently placed itself over our state and refuses to budge.

This has resulted in plans, and outfits, being altered to plan for the depressing turn in the weather. I decided to skip the drive into Lansing to meet my dad because I didn't feel like going out in the booming thunderstorm on tuesday. Today I had planned a pretty damn cute outfit, a high waisted skirt, black tank top, slouchy black heels, but it had to be replaced with a sweater and jeans because it is pouring, again!

I just hope that prom doesn't get bad-weathered out like last year.

Last year we had our prom on a boat, the Michigan Princess to be exact, so much of it was outdoors. Since it rained and was windy and freezing that day we all got pushed inside and it got a little hot and stuffy.

But this year we are having our Prom somewhere on the MSU campus in a hall, so it's sure to be nicer.

I'm planning all the good stuff for saturday. The first thing I'm doing that day is going to get my nails done with my two friends. I've always had pretty thick nails tht grow nicely and always kind of look like the have a french manicure, so I'm not getting acrylics I'm just getting a basic manicure. Then I'm heading over to cash in my essay contest prize, a free updo. I'm having my hair done in a 50's-esque curled updo pinned back with a black flower pin. Then I'm heading home to have my mom help me finish up my makeup and all that nonsense.

Honestly, I am really excited. It's Senior Prom for cryin out loud! If it's even half as good as junior prom it's gonna kick some ass!

The night after prom however is still kind of up in the air. Afterparties are the conflict. My friends want to go to Sierra's boyfriend's house to drink but since I won't be drinking I don't know what I want to do. I suppose I'll just end up going and hanging out and babysitting all the ones who are to drunk to stand on their own two feet..KRISTI! COUGH! COUGH!

But who knows. I'll just go with the flow and see where the night takes me.

On the tip of my tongue...

This whole week I have had the feeling that I had plans today.

But now that today has rolled around, I can't remember them!

I swear it was something important...but I guess I'll find out when someone comes calling and they're completely pissed off becasue I forgot to do something.

So let's see...only 16 total days left until school lets out. That's exciting.

Our plans for the last day are to jump in the car and road trip it up to Muskegon for a few quality hours of playing in the water park at Micigan's Adventures. Then hopefully we'll just get a motel room at a Super 8 and then head home in the morning.

After that it's on to a summer of open houses and festivals.

As far as my own open house goes, not much original stuff going on there.

I would be happy with any kind of crazy out there idea, but since my brother's girlfriend still had all her decorations from last year, we're offically doing a 'fiesta'. Along with a taco bar that is probably gonna kick major ass because for some reason, despite being from the northern most state, my dad's side of the family can make some serious mexican food.

As far as other people's open houses I have quite a few at the beginning of the summer, on the 5th of June to be exact. This is the day before we actually graduate, cap and gown and all that jazz. I'm guessing everyone's parents thought the same thing..."let's do it early so we don't book it on the same day as anyone elses"

In actuality though I know about 6 or 7 kids whose open houses are on this day. But it's fine, open houses are meant to be more of a 'stop by' affair anyway.

So despite haivng a taco bar and fiesta decorations, I still did the invites the way I wanted them.

Ta-da!

The Ripple Effect

So does anyone recall the essay I had to read in front of the entire school a few weeks back?

The one about prom, the one that I was on the verge of getting sick while reading?

Well said essay has had a very unexpected effect.

It keeps growing. It has led me to be obligated to attend many public speaking events that I otherwise would have avoided like the plague. Today is another one of those events, a 'luncheon' in Charlotte for all the essay winners.

Greeeeaaat.

You know, when I wrote this essay I thought I would just get a few prizes and move on with my life. But it has exploded into some giant time consuming monster that keeps forcing me to either make up excuses or attend these stupid things. It's beginning to get on my nerves quite honestly. I mean, I don't even feel that strongly about not drinking on prom night. In all honesty I may have even participated in said unlawful activities this year had I not written this damn essay!

So now I have been wrangled into this freakin 'luncheon' when I could otherwise just slack off in class all day and watch it rain.

In other news, I am officially psyched for prom!

After obtaining the greatest pair of heels ever plus some awesome bangles and a vintage vibed dress and necklace, I am so ready to hit the dance floor like a bad ass.

I can't wait to go grab some food at P.F. Chang's and then go make some incredible memories with my best friends as our last hoorah of high school. I have a goooood feeling about it.

Discombobulated

I am, in a word: confused.

I managed to mix up everything within a range of 72 hours.

I lost about $70 worth of one dollar bills, accidentaly gave my dad back the camera that I had previously loaned to a friend who needs it for prom, managed to contract some very craapy symptoms for which I have to see the doctor, and befuddle the whole dress altering situation.

And that's just one weekend, imagine what I could do in a whole lifetime.

I am thoroughly confused as to where that money got to, a thick wad of ones doesn't just go wandering off by itself.

On another note, Mother's Day went well.

I compiled a list of why my mom was awesome and gave it to her along with a couple of other little things. We spent the day shopping (with my money not hers, what kind of daughter do you think I am?!) and getting coffee. I bought a pair of heels for prom plus all the nessecary jewelry.

She really loves shopping, it's pretty awesome. All day she kept saying how happy she was to be spending mother's day with me, it was cute.

Then toward 4:00 o' clock we picked up my brother and his girlfriend and drove up to Battle Creek for some awesome chinese food.

All in all, a good mother's day.

Other than that, I've become very confused and slightly lost my much-ness.

Here's hoping that I can get my shit sorted out long enough to regain my sanity.

Zingermans!

Yesterday's adventure was to Ann Arbor, Michigan to pick up my prom dress. Which, by the way looks similar to this... ------------->

So anyway, while in Ann Arbor we got a bit peckish...people still say peckish right? Right.

So we decided to go in search of the infamous Zingerman's Deli. They use locally grown ingredients, have a bigger variety of cheese than I've ever seen, and the staff is a bunch of friendly granola crunching hippies! My kind of place, to the T.

So I got the Dave's Open Road sandwich, grilled chicken, thick crispy bacon, fresh lettuce, meunster cheese, and a ranch dressing that they make themselves.

It was, without a doubt, one of the best meals I've ever had. Paired with the homemade garlic pickle and salt and vinegar kettle cooked chips, heaven.

Plus the environment of the restaraunt was the best I've ever experienced. All the people were genuinely happpy to help, not that fake friendly that seems forced. They offer samples of every single thing in the place from the goat cheese with peppercorns (tried it, amazing) to the chocolates that are 7 bucks for 3 (also tried it, amazing).

Zingerman's has definetly moved up to the top of my list for places to go when I need a pick me up and a damn good sandwich.

Breaking Bad

Holy shit.

I just watched episode 7 of this season of Breaking Bad.

Mind. Blown.

Plus, I watched it in class through headphones surrounded by people.

So I was silent.

Even though I really wanted to be like...

"HOLYFUCKHOLYFUCK!"

"WHHHHHAAAAAT!"

"OH MY GOD."

Also, there may have been one part where I wanted to cry, just a little.

God that show is amazing.

I'm Feelin Sane Today.

Last night I had a slight mental breakdown about leaving for school.

I talked to my mom about it for hours and it's hard to explain exactly how, but she made it sound so logical for me to stay in Lansing and go to LCC. This added to the ever-present stress that has been steadily building in the back of my mind caused me to just break, in a way.

It was more like I was just so confused on what to do with my life it felt like my brain was melting. However, after a few hours of dazed thoughts and cogs clicking in my brain and meditation, I had an epiphany. I have decided that I have to go.

I have to know what it's like and I have to prove to myself that I can do it. It's like, I was thinking that I was so scared of it that I needed to dive in headfirst in order to conquer that fear. Now I honestly and truly believe that I will be happy there and that it will be scary and intimidating but it will also make me stronger and help me find who I truly am.

I have to know that i can do this, and do this on my own specifically.

Worst comes to worst I will spend a year there and decide it's not for me.

Now, this whole thing may just seem like another indecisive teenager not being able to make up my mind but it's something more than that. It's hard to explain but something just clicked. I no longer feel terrified and like I'm going to fail, I'm just happy.

I no longer feel like I'm drowning. Halle-fricken-lujah!

The Realization...

Less than thirty days from now I will be done with high school for good. As much as I want this, in case you couldn't tell from all my previous blogs, I am also sad to see it go.

Mostly because I'm genuinely scared to move on to college. Yah, I said it.

I'm scared to move an hour away from home. I'm scared that I won't make any friends. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle the classes, I'll get homesick, or I'll feel lonely and bored all the time. I'm scared that my awkward social skills will get me nowhere and I will end up going to zero parties and knowing zero people. The list goes on.

I just wish I had a better idea of what it would be like. I wish I could have a gaurantee that it won't be miserable or awkward or lonesome.

Can anyone make me that gaurantee?

The Big Apple

My bucket list holds many things that I want to accomplish. See the Northern lights, get published, live in Chicago.

But maybe the most important one on that list is to see the New York Skyline. Not only that but also to visit the Imagine monument in Central Park dedicated to John Lennon.

Going to New York has been something I've wanted ever since I can remember; and this summer I will actually be doing it.

My dad has promised me a three day trip to New York as a graduation present of sorts. Now, we will be living on a very tight budget and doing things that are free/ cheap to the max, but that's O.K. with me.

Just to be in one of the greatest cities in the world will be the highlight of my summer.

I have a plan mapped out of things I want to do while I'm there. I want to go to Washington Square Park, visit the Museum of Modern Art, get coffee in Greenwich village, eat at Peanut Butter and Co., take the ferry to Liberty Island, get my picture taken in Times Square, buy a cheesy I heart NY t-shirt, take a stroll through Central Park...basically every touristy things you can do in the Big Apple, I want to do.

Usually my apporach to visiting other cities is the complete opposite, I want to scour the place for unconventional things to do and avoid the tourist trade at all costs. But I get the feeling that New York City is a big enough place that scouring it for unique things to do would take the entire trip. So I will be fine with soaking up the city via a guidebook and getting ridiculously excited when we do things and come acrosss things that are famous.

Oh, did I mention that I can't wait for it to be summer?