Whewwwww...

My eyes are bleary and my throat is scratchy and I feel like I have to cough, constantly. Not the other stuff constantly, just the feeling of having to cough. The sad part about this tale is the fact that none of this was induced by some fun night of partying or drinking too much or smoking a little to much of the devil's lettuce, AKA mary jane. No no no no no, sir! The culprit? CIGARETTES.

Yes it seems that those 'truth' commercials that always make me feel guilty as shit and have a habit of coming on right after those 'above the influence' commericials, which also make me feel like shit, were on to something.

My throat feels freaking terrible! Like someone rubbed it down with sand paper and then took the remaining sand paper and tossed it into my lungs for good measure. I keep doing those deep inhale exhale deals, you know like the doctor has you do, to make sure my lungs are still functioning enough to keep me alive. Given it has only been about 5 or 6 months since I started smoking regularly, but that doesn't stop the side effects! No sir.

Also, smokers cough that makes you sound like an old man is not fun or attractive. I know, you're surprised right? It's also quite obvious to those around you when you are in public place and you step outdoors from the warm building and into the cold air and your lungs are all "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? OH HELL NAW." And then your lungs, that apparentely cuss like a sailor, proceed to furiously reject the cold air and you start coughing and sputtering and everyone around you is all 'SHAME. SHAME ON YOU FOR WASTING YOUR YOUTH ON TABACCO!'

To these people I say this. Yes, I despise the negative effects that come from smoking. But you know something? I ENJOY IT. Yah, there, I said it. Sometimes it's just a damn good feeling to roll the windows down and smoke a cigarette. Terrible to admit, I know.

And whether or not anyone else admits it, sometimes smoking makes you look like a bad ass. Wearing the 80's-esque sunglasses and sitting on the hood of a car while at some kegger or some crappy party, you look like the cool kid from a John Hughes movie.

So there's my piece on smoking. I'm writing this at 2:30 in the morning because I just got home and my body is pissed at me for smoking too much tonight. Aaaaand...well that's it.

P.S. this photo is the only one in which I find this guy attractive. That probably says something about my character. He's the one from the vampire movies and usually looks like a serial killer.

Holy Buzzkill Batman!

Woah, that last post sure was depressing ladies and gents. I mean, I still have those problems but I'm making progress. I'm very close to getting a job which means my lease getting signed, I figured out my LCC classes, pretty much, and you know...life isn't so bad. I hate when I take myself so seriously. Bah!

The only problem with one of the pending job opportunities is...well...they drug test. This presents a problem for me, not because I'm unwilling to quit smoking weed, but because it's pretty short notice and I'm afraid it won't be out of my system in time! Because I kind of just smoked a couple days ago...

So wish me luck finding a non-suspcious excuse to get myself out of that one my friends.

So, in case you didn't know, Christmas is next week! Yaaaaay!

I went really overboard and spent ever penny I had on the people I love, but that's ok. I might be broke now, but at least everyone will get something nice! Besides this year hasn't been the best. Lot's of ups and downs, to say the very very least. Drug addiction, unplanned children, living in a van down by the river, moving to school and disliking it immensely, the list could go on and on. So Christmas signifies that the year is coming to a close and an opportunity is presenting itself for a fresh start. So...yah. Adios 2010.

Stress

I had this crazy idea that after school ended for the semester I would have a break from all the stress. But instead I got hit with ten times as many problems as I had been dealing with. I failed my math class which led to my mom saying she wouldn't pay for any more school with my college fund because she didn't want to 'waste her money'. She also won't give me her signature on the apartment I want to lease for next year because I'm financially irresponsible. Right now I feel so dissapointed in myself, so much hatred for the way I have handled my life, so much dissapointment in the person I have become, that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until I fall asleep for a month. I hate going to school. That is the honest truth.
I wish I could spend my time doing things I loved instead of going to these classes that will lead me to a lukewarm career which will lead me to resent my life even more. I would rather just pick up and move. Just drive away right now and sleep in my car and stop feeling like everything I do is bullshit.
I have become very good at letting people down. I did not meet my expectations for myself, nor did I meet anyone elses expectations. I'm not good at things that matter. I'm not resiliant or determined or smart or independent. I'm lazy and unsure and have absolutely no faith in my abilities. I just hate this.

The Great Thing About College!

Ahh college life. When your pockets are as empty as your liqour cabinet and your brain feels like someone sucked the intelligence out of it with a dirt devil. There are so many...ahem...wonderful things about living this new life of cramped space and overflowing homework. So many in fact I just wanted to make a quick post about it! Inspired by recent events.

Exhibit A) The great thing about college food is that you regret it almost immediatley after comsumption! Sick of all those pesky feelings of contentment after your meal? Then head off to college and try the many contributors of the freshman 15. High in both calories and fat, but low in taste, these food-like products will have you swearing off food in no time! From the pasta-ish spaghetti, to the sort-of-like meat fried chicken, nothing here tastes anything like food!

Exhibit B) But that's not all! You also get to experience residence life! The great thing about dorms is the abundance of noise that is seemingly pointless, and relentless! Whether it's waking up for your 9 a.m. lecture to an incesent amount of screamo, or trying to get some sleep at three a.m. only to be bombarded by screaming and really weird thumping noises, rest is a thing of the past! That's right ladies and gentleman, never worry abot sleeping through the night, ever again!

Exhibit C) And we saved the best for last people, the best thing about college, the complete everything or nothing approach! The idea behind this is for professors to create their sylabuses in such a wonderful manner that for a whole week you'll be bored beyond belief from lack of things to do, and the next day, without notice, you'll have 70,000 pages of reading to do! On top of this, you will gain a feeling of fatigue that never seems to wear off and kind of makes you want to punch a cute baby animal in the jaw!

So sign up today, ladies and gentleman, come experience the collegiate world for yourself! It's just like the movies! Except completely different!

I wish I always had this feeling

Sometimes I think the world is just one big beautiful photograph.

Thou Shall Not Want

I want something beautiful, colorful, romantic.

I want Bogey in Casablanca, Paul Varjak in Breakfast at Tiffany's, James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause.

I want to be living in 1969, summer of love, drugs, and music.

I want a carefree life. To be a jetsetter and a socialite, free from the worries that hold me down.

I want to be an artist living in an apartment in the Village, thinking outside the box and smoking cigarettes without guilt.

I want to be a writer like Carrie Bradshaw. Beautiful and loved and chic.

I want to be a designer in London. Creating clothing that women will love to pieces. Spending days walking through the streets of brick to find inspiration.

I want to be a trustfund baby. No worries about money or collegiate sucess. Driving expensive cars and living a life of luxury.

I want to be an enviromentalist, a traveler. Making my way across the globe in the name of planet Earth.

I want to be the person anyone can talk to. Making conversation would be a breeze.

I want to be the most beautiful person you've ever seen. Perfect skin, perfect hair, stunning eyes.

I want to be everyone, all at once, starting now.

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping in

I decided to skip my two morning classes and head back to school this evening.
I feel like I'm breaking some kind of law...I feel like this is illegal.
It feels very unnatural to be here on a weekday when I should be passing time in my dorm room. Instead I'm reading books in my own bead, catching up on homework, and praying my grades aren't failing. I feel like I didn't put my all into academia this year and it truly concerns me. Finals are coming up and I feel as unprepared as I can be. I currently have C's in all my classes and that doesn't make me happy. And now that I missed my two morning classes today...ugh. I just don't have any motivaiton, any self control.
The deal is that if I fail even one class, my mom will cut off access to the college account we have both been putting money into for the last 7 years. There's not a whole lot in there, but it's certainly enough to help with the tuition for LCC next semester.
I hate this feeling.

The Official Stoner Top Ten

O.K. so I don't know what constitutes a stoner in your definition. To me it's someone who smokes weed every day. I tried to look up the actual definition on dicitonary.com and it says that it's a device used to remove stones from fruit? However, that's not exatly what I was looking for. Another defintion is someone who is 'habitually' under the influence of marijuana. But whatever you want to define it as, they're out there. So I thought I would create a list of things that are ideal for those of you who ever get the inclination to try marijuana.

The Top Ten:

-Songs to Listen to When You're High

1.) Rogue Wave- Eyes

2.) The Doors- When You're Strange

3.) A Tribe Called Quest- Can I Kick It?

4.) Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here

5.) Modest Mouse- Bukowski

6.) Bob Dylan- Mr. Tambourine Man

7.) Johnny Cash- Folsom Prison Blues

8.) The Beatles- Fixing a Hole

9.) Ratatat- Seventeen Years

10.) The Shins- New Slang

-Movies That Will Make You Crack Up

1.) Mystery Science Theater 3000- Werewolf

2.) The Beatles Yellow Submarine. (Seriously, was it made for any other audience?)

3.) Grandma's Boy

4.) Pineapple Express

5.) Reefer Madness (Reeeferrr Maaaadness!)

6.) Dazed and Confused

7.) Rocky Horror Picture Show

8.) The Wackness

9.) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

10.) Remember the Daze (especially the part with the goose.)

-Things That Will Be More Interesting

1.) Talking to someone about menial things

2.) Thinking you just discovered the concept of mixing foods, like nutella and marshmallows

3.) Watching Will Ferrell movies

4.) Eating food that would normally be meh. Like ramen noodles. Or cereal.

5.) Playing old school video games

6.) Reading books. Any books.

7.) Staring across broad landscapes

8.) Looking at the sky

9.) Watching youtube videos

10.) Too many thoughts in your mind resulting in very short memory. Oh wait...that won't be more interesting...

By the way this is the link to the video that inspired me to write this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df_O-EBjVrk

No Vacancy

This week took its time, to put it lightly.

Actually this week decided to be a complete asshole and go as slowly as possible. It turned every second into an hour, every hour into a day, every day into another week!

Let me just say that I spent a LOT of time watching T.V. online this week. Mucho amounts of Glee, Community, 30 Rock, all that good stuff. Oh, and of course, THE WALKING DEAD. Because it's freaking epic.

But Friday is finally upon me. This weekend I'm having a joint birthday party with my friend Tyler and a few people are coming up to stay in hotel for a couple nights and party until the sun comes up. We're also going to hit the local casino and some crazy antics will ensue I'm sure. The only thing I have to worry about is a math test tomorrow morning. The thing about math is that I can do it, it just takes me a while. My brain functions incredibly slow when it comes to processing numbers. I just can't comprehend it. However, the great thing about my brain is that it allows me to forget about the test as soon as it's completed, no matter how poorly I think I did. It's nice in that way.

In other news I filled out my move out form for my RA and I'm handing it to him tomorrow. I feel guilty leaving college so soon, but I'm just not feeling it. There are good days, yes, but I just don't feel like myself up here. So now I will use a machete to cut my way through the red tape jungle that is transferring college credits and financial aid. Clawing and scraping my way out of this school and into a new one. And the first order of business when I move back near Lansing is to seek a job, IMMEDIATELY. Start saving cash for next year's apartment adventure. Also, can I just say that lately there seems to be talk all over about how no one stays friends with the people they knew in high school. Well, I just want to say that I will probably be breaking that mold. My friends are the only people I can be 100% myself around. I can't imagine letting that go.

Also I feel very wanty right now. Here's what I want.

-A case of juice boxes to sustain the rest of my stay at college.

-Boots and new socks

-A new hair straightener

-A sudden wealth of knowledge in the world of pre-calc

-A never endingly full gas tank

-30 Rock to be on every night of the week

-A double bed instead of a bunk bed. (Why don't they make double sized bunk beds?)

-Modest Mouse tickets

-NEW BREAKING BAD EPISODES RIGHT MEOW.

Yah, that last one was a reference to Super Troopers...

O.K. last thing I want to say, the people I have become friends with at school have been living under a rock until now, yah I'm looking at you Kyle! I know you're reading this. They have been living under a rock because they had never seen Pineapple Express, Grandma's Boy, Grind, or WALK THE LINE!!!! Well, actually I don't know if Kyle has seen Walk the Line, but I know Emily hadn't up until last night! That movie is epic A) because I want to marry Joaquin Pheonix (I would then be Jessica Pheonix, eh, eh?) plus the whole troubled drug addict/ musician thing is attractive in the weirdest way; and B) because I love Johnny Cash's work. Seriously, every song ever. Plus, he also has an incredibly bad ass name. Seriously, Johnny Cash? Born to be a rockstar.

P.S. My mom bought me a Kurt Vonnegut shirt for my birthday and I flipped a lid. SO EXCITED.

Last Teenage Birthday

I had a beautiful birthday today.
I love birthdays because everyone you know calls you and texts you and it makes you feel loved!
Also I got a case of Jones and a new book and some awesome new clothes.
Today was legendary!

Just Plain Happy

I'm very happy right now. My birthday is tomorrow and my best friend and my mom are coming up to my school and we're gonna go do awesome stuff all day. As for today I have no homework to finish, and no obligations to fulfill. I'm just relaxing in a very comfortable chair and talking to my friends on facebook as well as catching up on my weekly television fixes. This includes: Weeds, the Walking Dead, 30 Rock, and Community! I love the internet.

I'm also very happy because I'm having a birthday party at a hotel up here this weekend where all my friends will come up and we will party until the sun comes up. I'm extra happy about this because I just found out that one of my closest friends who I haven't been able to see for a couple of weeks will be coming!

I'm also happy because this weekend was awesome and I smoked some of the most chronic weed I've ever inhaled in my life. It was a beautiful night and we had a bonfire and a good time was had. Now I only have a short week of classes and then I'll be into the best weekend ever, and after the best weekend ever I'll only have class until Wednesday and then I'll be home for Thanksgiving!

Happy is a good good thing.

money makes the world go round.

I always thought people were exaggerating when thy talked about broke college kids. But now that I am one, I realize they were pretty accurate. I'm currently at a plasma donation place in South Lansing and it is full of ghetto people and people who look like they're about a thousand years old. its sketchy to say the least and besides thinking about my car getting jacked while I'm in here, its not so bad. The reason it's not so bad is the fact that they pay $50 for every time you come donate. That's compared to the measley 20 they give you at the clean, sanitary My. Pleasant center. Worth this three hour wait? We'll see.

Note to Self

Stop counting.

Stop conting cigarettes.

Stop counting calories.

Stop counting days.

Stpo counting hours.

Stop counting minutes.

Stop counting grade percentages.

Stop counting the money in your bank account.

Stop counting hours of sleep.

Stop counting the gas in your tank.

Stop counting on the fact that someone else will solve your problems.

Stop counting the time until you get to leave.

Stop counting.

Be happy instead.

Chut Up!

I'm very bored. And tired. And generally sick of feeling bored and tired.

It seems like that is the only way I feel anymore. I had always thought that college would lend me this new found sense of adventure and everything would be exciting. Instead everything is repetitive and dull and I feel so lazy all the time.

Like I have this glazed over look in my eyes, and not in the good way! And I walk around in this zombie-esque state and do nothing. I watch shit on my laptop, I walk to class, I wait to go home on the weekend. That is all I do. Everything is lame.

I know this sounds whiney, but what can I say? My life pisses me off right now.

Plus this weekend, even though Friday was pretty good, pretty much was a big suckfest. I was just dreading coming back to school all weekend and I didn't even get to sleep in. Plus I got jipped on my money when I went to donate plasma and I missed out on a smoke session with this kid who supposedly has really good weed, despite his lisp and short creepy stature.

And I'm just sick of everything. I kind of just want this semester to end. That way I can have a nice long break, enroll in classes at LCC, and hang out with my friends whenever I want to. Instead of spending my time doing absolutely nothing with absolutely no one! Bah!

I just wish I lived somewhere beautiful with my favorite people. Like France or London or...Amsterdam. Haha OK I don't actually want to live in Amsterdam, but those other two are legit! I'm starting a commune. It's decided. We are living in Europe. We will drink iced tea spiked with rum all day long. We will be inherently rich and therefore won't ever worry about the money we spend. Our loft is full of Monet paintings and floor pillows and there are big fluffy overstuffed chairs everywhere you look. We smoke box this apartment whenever there is a special occasion, and get super blazed and walk the streets and gaze at old buildings and eat salty snacks and drink expensive soda. Oh, and a special occasion is any day that ends in 'Y'.

You can come too.

Seriously.

SERIOUSLYSERIOUSLYSERIOUSLY. You're killin me smalls!
Why are all my best friends so awesome and why are they all so far away?!
I really just wish they were here right now to have one of those way-to-funny-because-its-really-late-and-we're-all-overly-tired conversations.
I just want them to all be here, to sit on the floor in my dorm room, to secretly do shots whenever somone on tv says a funny word, to go outside to smoke with me, and to laugh like we have never laughed before!!
GODDAMNIT!
For real though, those kids are the best there ever was.
Everything the light touches, it's not Simba's, it's thiers.
They were what Willis was talkin bout.
Darth Vader was not Luke's father, he was theirs.
They are all that AND a bag of potato chips.
They can punch Chuck Norris in the beard and live to tell the story.
They are the best. And I wish they were here right now to go cause some trouble with me.
THE END.

Right Now

So I know that marijauna, though gaining considerable acceptance, is still widely frowned upon in society. And I hope that my followers aren't offended when I make references about pot. And even though it is pretty taboo, I just want to say something. It has been quite a while since I've had a night where I get together with a bunch of friends and get really really high. And honestly, I miss that and I could really use it right now. I just miss the comfort and happiness of being all warm and giggly and letting my mind wander and explore every little thing that pops into my head. So at the risk of sounding like a huge stoner, I really want to smoke a joint right now.

In other news, there is a big Western vs. Central football game this weekend. The plan is for a couple of my friends to come up, we're supposed to hook up with this friend of a friend and go tailgating and partying with frat guys or whatever.

I can't say that I'm super excited about it, I guess I'm kind of lame in that respect. I mean, I love partying at home with people I know. Some beer pong, loud music, inside jokes, and coming either back to me or Melissa's house around 3 or 4 a.m., I mean, it's pretty much awesome. But for some reason the prospect of partying with a bunch of college kids doesn't sound great to me.

So there's the update on my exciting college life!

What's up buttercup

So today was not bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. It was pretty much a typical day in the life since I've come to school.
I slept through one class and one class was canceled. I ate lunch. I went to the library where I watched Hulu and did homework for five hours. I went to a reading with Emily and then came back to the room where I am now wearing sweatpants and watching a movie. Pretty damn exciting.

I hate the feeling I get when I spend all day indoors up here. It's not like spending all day inside when I'm at home. Here I feel all weird and stagnant and I get this taste in my mouth that's just like...blegh...from sitting all day staring at computer and not eating for extended amounts of time. Human beings are just not meant for sitting all day looking at screens. We should be out doing things, exciting things, worthwhile things. Sometimes I just want to say damn the internet, but then again if I didn't have the internet what the hell would I do all day? Oh, wait, I would do constructive, active things! Psh, I can't imagine.


For real though, sometimes I can't stand how I contribute absolutely nothing to society. But then again society has conditioned me to think that college is for being broke and smoking large amounts of weed. Check and Check.

The Great Debate

So, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm in college right now. I go to Central Michigan University; but what I don't go to are parties. Even though I heard from many people before coming here that this school was, pun intended, Party Central. And, honestly, I can see it. I can see it all around me! Everyone on my floor, hell everyone in my building, spends every thursday night out at frats hitting parties and drinking till the sun comes up.

So, when I first started going here I went through a few different stages with the whole lack of partying thing. At first, I was like "Well I just started going here, I'll go to some parties eventually." Then it progressed to, "Once I meet some more people, maybe they'll drink and what not." And now it's hovering comfortably at "O.K. so I'm never going to party up here."

Thus the title of this post, The Great Debate! Hezzah!

...Yah that was bad.

Anyway, I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to spend another semester up here or if I would rather go back to Lansing for a few months. The latter option would save me money in both tuition and gas. However, it would make me a big lame-o for copping out of school after only half a year.

It's just that I don't think I'm reaching my full potential up here. I do a whole lotta nothin and as much as I love being lazy, doing nothing can get really old after a while. Being home gives me a lot more opportunities to go do things. And by things, I don't just mean going to parties. I mean that Lansing is practically my hometown and I know much more about it then I know about this town. I love the awesome sushi place, I love the hookah lounge, I love the thrift stores, I love everything in Old Town, I love the boutiques, I love the Sugar Shack, I love MSU's campus! I love it all!

So what I'm getting at is the fact that I'm getting bored up here, despite the cool people I've met, and I don't know if I'm willing to pay an $18,000 price tag to be bored.

Also, I miss just going on adventures with my friends. Just jumping in the car, windows down, and driving to some random destination. That shit was the best. Seriously, like, the happiest days of my life.

The Little Things

Hot cups of coffee

Cult classics, I.E., Fight Club, Donnie Darko, Princess Bride

Messy Hair with neon colors

Boutiques

Travelingtravelingtraveling

Vintage clothes and accessories

Being barefoot

Peacoats

Smore cupcakes from the Sugarshack

Phantom Planet

Modest Mouse

Chicago streets in the winter

Having classs cancelled

Peanut butter and banana sandwiches

That feeling of curling up with a blanket on the couch to watch something awesome

Movies with incredible soundtracks (Garden State, cough cough)

Going up North in Michigan

John Lennon

James Dean

Tattoos

LiveLavaLive videos

Piercings

Warped Tour

The Catcher in the Rye

Holding hands

Having money in my pocket for cigarettes

Airports

Stoner Movies

Adventure Time

Happy, bubbly, light sounding songs with plucky piano

Getting lost and ending up somewhere incredible

Open fields with shady trees

Waking up and knowing it's Friday

Fake mustaches

Big sunglasses (that rhymed!)

Volkswagon Buses

Playing ukulele all day

Johnny Cash

Oh, and of course, Aaron Paul

Party 101

Over the last few months I have been to substantially more parties than I had been going to. To be clear, I'm not in any way trying to imply that I'm super cool or popular or any of that jazz, because I'm not. The point here being that I have picked up a few tips along the way I thought should be documented for later use. So, here is the list of party tips from firsthand experience.

1. Bring what you like to drink. This one is probably the most important! If you show up at the party with a fistful of dollar bills and hope that you can buy something off the party thrower, it's bad news. You're going to end up drinking some disgusting leftover thing that has been sitting in the freezer/ liquor cabinet for a month. So if you don't want to get stuck drinking Gin and Kahlua, or Gin and pretty much anything, just bring a fallback bottle of Smirnoff for good measure.

2. When you put your stuff down, put it somewhere you WILL REMEMBER. This will prevent you from expereincing the dreaded morning after groping. What is the morning after grope you ask? Well it's basically waking up from sunlight blaring in your pupils, hungover, confused, and pretty much set on just going back to your own bed to pass out until noon. So having your shit in a place you know will make sneaking away while the rest of the partiers snore and drool, much easier.

3. Find a master beer pong partner. It's pretty much a gaurantee that if you spend the whole time owning the table, you will be one happy camper at the end of the night. So find a sweet pong partner who doesn't get pissed when you miss shots, can make a decent re-wrack, and of course has badass aim. Oh, and bonus tip, try standing at the corner when you shoot. Totally works. (By the way, this kid to the left, is totally not a pro beer pong player.)

4. If you're planning to stay at the party location, scope out the best sleeping spot! Do you really want to end up drunkenly curled up in a ball with your head resting on a sticky shoe? No you don't. So at the beginning of the night search out the decent sleeping places and then comfortably fall asleep later, with one foot on the floor. Because that helps. Yah, I learned that from the Jersey Shore...don't judge me. Oh, and as the wise Asher Roth once said, 'don't pass out with your shoes on.'

Hullabaloo

I've had a few things on my mind lately. Things like class. How high school truly does not prepare you academically for the reality of college courses. Things like my place in college and that I'm not sure I've found it.

Things like my friends back home. Things like how many cigarettes I smoke and whether or not I could quit right now if I wanted to. Things like the turns cannabis legalization has taken. For some reason I think about that a lot. OK, by some reason I mean that I would be really happy if the US took the step forward that is Proposal 19. I would be even happier if that extended to the state of Michigan someday.

As the wise Dale Denton said in Pineapple Express, "Have you ever dealt with a drug dealer? It's terrible, it's weird, it's awkward."

For a while this wasn't the case because the person selling was sort of a friend of mine. He was actually really cool and pretty funny. But this particular friend has given up both selling and smoking pot. Good for him, bad for me. Now I have to go through various aquaintances and friends of friends. Which can be a tense situation.

However if this law was passed I could go to a normal, well lit establishment, pay a tax to the state, and but some legal weed. As opposed to meeting in a parking lot or a creepy alley somewhere.

To me that's the shame in weed being illegal; it takes normal people and makes them into criminals. I don't enjoy sketchy situations any more than the next guy..girl. Whatever! The point being that I hope all goes well with prop 19 because I think it will be a healthy step forward.

In other news, my Linguistics midterm is on Thursday, or tomorrow if you wanna say it that way. Which I don't. Because tomorrow seems much closer than Thursday. As you can tell, I'm stressed about it. But on the other hand I was stressed about the last one and I did pretty well on it, I got an 80%.

Also, as far as academia goes, I got my first D on an English paper and had to withhold the urge to punch my professor in the jaw. If I had she would have probably turned to a pile of dust because shes older than the freaking hills. She is the worst.

Also, I will be staying here for the weekend and I will be forced to actually do laundry here and find things to do on campus to occupy my time. I have it so easy when I go home. I can relax in a spacious house on a comfy sofa, I can eat whenever I want, I can call up my friends and be like 'Yo, let's do something awesome, RIGHT NOW'. I can also watch OnDemand shows and just take a nap if I feel like it.

But I figure it's high time I spend a weekend up here, considering I've been in school for just about 3 months and I've only stayed the weekend here twice. So that will happen...hope I don't die of boredom. Wish me luck.

You Look Like You Just Murdered the Grimace.

I dyed my hair purple this weekend.

Not entirely, just streaks. However, being the incredibly broke person I am, I had to use boxed dye which fades rather quickly. So for now it looks pretty good but I have a feeling I'll be going over it again next weekend.

My friend Melissa was the one who did it and it proceded to cover the palms of her hands in purple hue. After walking outside to smoke a cigarette my friend Renee looked down at her hands and casually told her that she had obviously murdered the Grimace. Yes, the Grimace from McDonalds.

Which she very well could have done and the purple hair dye was just a cover up. I have sick friends.

Other than that not an incredibly eventful weekend. Although I have to say that every weekend is good just because I get to come home. Which I love doing. I love the familiarity and that I know everyone and that I can do whatever I want to whenever I want to.

Friday, during the day, I went to the zoo and Friday night I went over to Melissa's house. Which proved to be very interesting.

We smoked a very large amount of weed in a relatively small amount of time and then a bunch of the biker guys came over and we smoked even more. I saw responsible adults hit a joint, roll a joint, and at least make an effort to understand the inner workings of a plastic bottle bong.

All said and done we ended up passing out around 5:30 in the morning after a very fun night. Saturday me and Renee made a trip to Goodwill where she found some kick ass cds including the newest Phantom Planet album and a Warped Tour '05 compilation in awesome condition. We also searched every grocery and drug store looking for the right color of purple hair dye.

Then we went to Kristis to cook dinner with Tyler, Sierra, and Mel.

After dinner we all headed to Chunch's which is pretty much a gauranteed good time. I didn't get drunk and I didn't smoke enough weed to get completely blitzed out of my mind so it was a very chill night.

I probably won as many beer pong games as I lost and when we came back to my house around 4 a.m. we all got in the hot tub which brought back awesome memories.

I spent today hanging out with my dad, window shopping for things we can't afford and watching classic horror movies.

All in all, this was a great weekend. I got chill time, a couple days to sleep in, a couple nights to party, and my weekly dose of my friends. I suppose I'm ready to go back to school for the week.

Where It All Started

Today is a rainy, miserable, bleak kind of day. I have nothing but homework to do, which we all know I will postpone until the very last possible second. I thought a better use of my time would be to make a blog post chronicaling my life, from birth until college. Just in case, you know, someday I get hit with a blunt object and forget my entire past.

November 16th, 1991: A baby named Jessica Mariah Alward is born at Tacoma General Hospital in Tacoma, Washington. It was probably raining, because it's always raining in Washington. We proceded to move to Puyallup when I was around 3, while living there two important things happened. One, a got to ride a pony for my 4th birthday. Two, there was a drive by in our neighborhood that hit a few hosues near us, after that we moved.

1997: The Alward family, my dad, my mom, my brother Josh (who was already a douche), and I, all pile into a large brown van with weird crushed velvet curtains and drive to New Mexcio. At first we lived in a sketchy trailer park that my mom's sister owned. The pool was drained and the wind was freakishly strong all the time. When we realized how weird that place was, we got the hell outta there. We move into an Adobe house at 4209 Paolo Duro road in Albuqueque. It was awesome. My brother and I had a tree fort and basically spent our days terrorizing the uptight old people in the neighborhood.

2000: We move to Michigan. We start out in Lansing in a fairly nice house downtown. We live by a Dairy Queen and a produce store where my brother and I steal oranges and eat them pretty much everyday.

2002: We rent the house out to some sketchy tenants (who later turned that house into a hot mess), and move out to the small town of Eaton Rapids. About this time I meet some awesome people, who I proceed to cause some trouble with later. This trouble included, but was not limited to, accidental arson, the first time ever getting in trouble with the police, and the first time I ever smoked weed. They weren't bad people, their family was just CRAZY.

2005: I meet the greatest people ever. This was 5th grade, the year I met Melissa and Kristi, also a year later I met Renee. However, me and Renee weren't friends at first. She would always ask me to play chess, and then I would beat here. Also, she enjoyed creeping around at that point. Anyway, I met these people and to this day they are my greatest friends. The best people I've ever known. Down for anything, always have my back, straight up badass girls. Also a year later I met Kyle Hill. Who would later be my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and probably the first person I knew to get arrested.

2008: I get arrested for shoplifting and spend my summer doing community service.

2010: Graduation, leaving high school, coming to college. All that good stuff. And now here I am.

Things I couldn't remember the exact date of: the first time I dyed my hair a color that isn't natural, when I got my nose pierced, my first concert, when I got my license, and the first time I beat a Zelda game.

Drag Race Por Favor?

Have you ever been on the highway, maybe in the middle of a town, perhaps stopped at a traffic light, when you look to your side and catch the eye of the guy driving the hummer next to you? He's peering at your Oldsmobile Alero, a perfectly respectable vehicle, and he's looking at it like he could spit on it and it would evaporate into thin air? This happened to me on my way up to school this afternoon.

I swear every person that passed me was driving a big, overcompensating, gas guzzling truck and staring at me as they passed with this smug ass look on their face. The breaking point was a Hummer clad from bumper to bumper in U of M stickers. U of M, for those of you who don't know, is referring to the University of Michigan, the rival of my favorite team, Michigan State University. So this guy pulls up right on my bumper, even though I'm going a respectable 75 mph. He revs his engine like the douche bag he is, and proceeds to pass me, and it looked in my mind as if he was cackling on his way by. True, he was probably not laughing maniacally as he sped past me, but in my twisted head he was.

So this just pissed me right off. It was early, for me anyway, and I hadn't had any coffee, and I was sick of pompous assholes thinking they owned the world. So I sped up. I sped up quickly, with a purpose damnit!

And I passed that asshole. Oh yes, sweet victory was mine! I passsed him going a smooth 85 mph and crankin my far superior music as he played his ridiculous pop radio.

That's right dear followers, it felt damn good too.

Plus, the fact I didn't get a ticket was an added bonus.

The moral of the story is this. If you're speeding down the highway and you feel a sudden urge to drag race the fuck out some a-hole that's totally trying to pwn you, just do it. Because you're awesome and you will win.

My Favorite Things

These days, as you may have noticed via my last few posts, I'm not always in the best of moods. A lot of times I'm bored which leads to feeling dull, which leads to feeling unhappy. So on these days when I'm feeling sullen and bored I do a number of things in an effort to cheer myself up. Sometimes these things work, sometimes they don't.

1) Listen to awesome music

The definition of 'awesome music' varies depending on the mood I'm in. Sometimes awesome means the harmonies, beauty, and catchy beats of early Beatles tunes, like I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Other days it means listening to my favorite dark, pissed off, rock/punk combo of all time, Alkaline Trio. And still other days it means the techno laden synth bass of Beck. No matter the music, it serves to take up brain power and thus makes me feel less stagnant.

2) Read

Being somewhat of a literature geek, reading never fails to cheer me up. Right now I'm reading two books simultaneously. One is the Autobiography of Anthony Kiedis, the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The other, is a book of wisdom written by the Dalai Lama. Waiting in the wings is another Kurt Vonnegut book, because he's my favorite author at the moment. I think Kurt Vonnegut is a badass because he questions the government and writes massive novels about it and he tried to kill himself. Don't get me wrong it don't think suicide is cool, what's cool is that after his suicide attempt failed he just sort of shrugged it off and proceded to write several more masterpieces.

3)Lay in the grass and stare at the sky

This one is good for two reasons, 1) it gets me out of the room, which is pure salvation after hours of dark cramped boredom, and 2) it makes me feel free and happy just because the sun is shining and I get to be laying in it because I simply want to. This habit probably carried over from my childhood, I was a big fan of cloud shape searching. Nonetheless, this really never fails to make me feel more at peace.

4) Watch a damn good film

This is sort of a last ditch attempt at getting my creativity flowing. It's really cheating though, because it's based off of someone elses mind not my own. Regardless, watching an extremely well put together, creative, well cast film is something that is hard to match. An appreciation for these types of movies isn't hard to find if you're watching the right ones. Plus if the leading character is somewhat attractive, bonus points.

5) Smoke Weed

This one does not count for the times I'm at school. Just to be clear, I do not smoke weed while at college, ironic but true. Also, I don't mean going out to a big ass, loud kegger and smoking some ditch weed with a bunch of lowlife townies. No. By this I mean getting together with my closest friends, sitting in the grass or on the porch in a circle, listening to good music under the stars while we smoke a joint. Despite the criticisms placed on pot I say, from personal experience, that it is a completley innocent and relaxing activity. It does not make you stupid and it does not fry your brain. It puts you in a state of happiness and it makes everything more fun. Music sounds better, conversation is deeper, life is simpler. It's just...fun. Not to encourage drug use, this is simply my personal opinion. If my life is getting really shitty, weed has a tendency to brighten it up.

For Good Measure

I thought I should post a picture of my current obsession.

Because, you know, I'm obsessed. So...yah.

I did mention it in the post earlier today that I could

restart the 24 hour a day Aaron Paul posts.
Plus this is my favorite scene in Breaking Bad, ever.

Partly because it's beautiful and partly because later

the cashier calls him dreamy. Only because it's true.

Take the Money and Run

So check it out; if I could just get up and walk out right now I would.

Not that I'm in some horrible place or that something particularly terrible is happening to me right now. In fact, I'm just sitting in my dorm room, on my bed.

But if I could just get up, walk out the door, and just keep walking I would totally do it. Walk right past my car, walk right past the town of Mt. Pleasant, and simply go. Hitchhike along the highway or walk until the soles of my shoes wear down to thin paper-like wisps barely clinging to the outer threads of my converse. Sleep outside under the stars and eat only when absolutely nessecary. Meet people who I can talk to about life and music and religion and shit that absolutely doesn't matter, like who my favorite Beatle is. See where the path of the unknown leads.

I wish this was my plan for tonight. But it's not.

Tonight I'm working on homework that I don't care about and fulfilling obligatory plans with a girl from my linguistics class. Tonight I am being blockaded from sunlight as thick dorm room walls cover every inch of what could possibly be sunny and warm. Tonight I read facebook statuses and blogs wondering how much better their lives might be right now than mine is. Tonight I accept phone calls from home only to be annoyed and pissed off at one sided discrimination and snap judgements. Tonight I am bored. I'm always bored.

P.S. I don't mean to make every fucking post either depressing as shit or a complete rant about my weekends, it just works out that way. If you want I can go back to posting 24/7 about Aaron Paul. Seriously...I could.

Hello Again

Overall this was a weekend well spent. I did aboslutely nothing today, and it felt awesome. Well, not absolutely nothing. I did put some effort into overcoming a massive and ferocious hangover. And I watched The Runaways. You know, the one with the weird faced Twilight girl and Dakota Fanning pretending to be a child prostitute? Yah, that's the one.

I woke up drunk and fell off my bed also. Sooo that was nice. And the only thing I managed to get down was a large hi-c from mcdonalds after I wrangled my friend into taking me there.

More than the Hi-C I needed to go pick up my car from the house I left it at last night. And of course I couldn't tell my mom I had left my car somewhere because I was in to much of a drunken stupor to drive home. Also, withdrew my last ten dollars in my bank account. FUCK.

Oh and my friend Matt got stopped on his bike by the cops that night. The ironic part about this is that he had completely stopped drinking for 6 months until last night when he had ONE beer. They shined the spotlight on him and made him take a breathalizer. It's like they have a radar for that shit. Strange indeed.

Other than that I spent Friday going to a bonfire and to see the new 'Let Me In' movie which I thoroughly enjoyed but probably because I like really weird movies. Indie shit, that's how I roll. Then my friend got sick so I spent the rest of the night at home watching Lockup and Intervention because I'm weird like that.

Oh! The other news is that Josh is in jail again. Josh being my brother. Yes on Friday night he got picked up for three outstanding warrants and he proceded to call me at three a.m. from the Eaton County Jail and casually have a conversation about what he was doing beforehand, a.k.a. hanging out at Dann's and visiting with an old friend. It's kind of strange to me that a three a.m. phone call that comes in as 'This is a service from Eaton County Jail requesting permission to proceed with a call from inmate: 'Josh Alward' doesn't even phase me anymore. Very strange indeed. Is this real life?

So now it's Sunday and I know that I should drive back to school tonight. But the thing is...I don't want to. It's a tough thing to get around. So instead I'm listening to the Black Keyes and not doing homework. Probably gonna go hit up some How I Met Your Mother OnDemand style.

Always

Why do I always end up being the one on the ouside looking in? The one who does the wrong thing, the messy one, the unprepared one. I feel like an asshole!

Just once I would like to be the one with everything in it's proper place. Going to the right parties, talking to the right people, picking the right school, knowing exactly what I'm doing. Having everything completely neat and orderly, completely squared away. That would be the fucking dream right there.

I just feel like such a cliche sometimes. I don't want to validate the stereotype of fuck up hippie loser, because that's sort of the reputation I have right now. But I'm not doing a very good job of nullifying that persona at the moment. I smoke too much weed, I don't go to class, I don't go out into the world and do things, and I don't make any substantial effort to change.

I think I just suck at social interaction with large groups. Give me a small group of people to chill with, and I'm down. Give me a room full of strangers and tell me to make conversation, I would be out of there so fast. I am just to much of an introvert, to much of a recluse, to succeed in college sozialization. It is just not for me.

I also have this theory that I might be a little more on the strange side than many of my peers. I tend to have tastes for things that may be classified as weird or uncommon, instead of just accepting whatever it may be that is popular that day. So that's that.

The Horizon

I am very very confused on what I want to do with my life. In general, and next year specifically. I don't know if college is the place for me. I just don't feel like myself. I'm not unhappy by any means but I'm also not ecstatic either. I'm just kind of...existing. I feel like I spend a lot of time doing nothing and a lot of time feeling nothing. I'm not O.K. with such a mundane life like the one I feel I have now.

So, in light of this fact I'm considering my options for next year. Here's what I have come up with so far.

1) Transfer to Western to be with my friends. The negative here is that I will still be going to classes everyday and parties on the weekends, which is basically what I am doing now. And right now I'm not that happy. The other negative is that Western is my rival, currently. Western and Central are kind of arch nemesis' so I would have to swallow my pride and admit their school is better; a fact of which I'm not entirely sure. For all I know it's just another college. The plus is that I will be around my friends again, and generally I'm happier in their presence.

2)Pick a random town and move there for a year. For this I'm thinking Maine, or somewhere else on the East Coast. Somwhere I can go to find an affordable studio apartment by the water, take some creative writing classes at a local school, and spend my time doing things I love. Things I love being, writing, listening to music, going to festivals, and, in all honesty, smoking weed. Somewhere I can go for a year and just LIVE.

3) Join the Peace Corps/ CCs. This has been a dream of mine pretty much forever. The only problem with the Peace Corps is the required amount of time you have to volunteer for, which is two years. Two years is a hell of a long time if I end up somewhere that I hate. But I think it would be an amazing life experience to go to a completely different world and live for an extended amount of time. To be immersed in culture shock and meet people that I would have otherwise never been able to meet. I'm still researching this option, but in all honesty I think it would be an incredible way to spend a year.

4) My last thought, and probably the most mundane, is to go live at home and go to community college for a year. I know that compared to my other options it may seem like a boring and stupid option, but it would be cheap and give me more time to find out what I'm really looking for. It would also give me a chance to save some money up for ehatever it may be I end up doing after a year. The down side to this option is that by the time I move home, the friends that currently reside there will be gone. One to Northern and one to Western. So I may end up back at home doing nothing for a year, being as completely bored as I am now.

So this is what is happening inside my head right now. This post is really really long so I'll end it now.

Weeds

My friends and I had this ritual this summer.

Basically, we would go over to my friend Dann's house, get incredibly baked, and watch full seasons of the Showtime series 'Weeds'. I mean, this really makes perfect sense if you think about it. Watching a show all about the growing, selling, and smoking of pot while smoking large amounts of it. It works right?

Not right.

I don't know if any of you dear followers have ever smoked weed but it has this nasty habit of making you very unfocused and very very forgetful while you're in the hazy state of being stoned. This quality is the very reason I choose to smoke marijuana but in this particular situation it did not help.

You see, I really like the show Weeds. I think it's brilliant, has an amazing soundtrack, and some intense plot lines. The problem being that even though I watched three of the six seasons this summer during these marathon smoke sessions, I remember very little of what actually happened in the show. It's not that I stopped caring what was happening after I got high. It's that I would see something in the show and care way too much about it. I would spend five minutes thinking about that one thing and by the time I tuned back into reality something really important would have happened and it would be lost on me.

Hahaha, to me this is hilarious. But also annoying. So, I recently started a trial of Netflix and I have spent the past few days re-watching the first three seasons and it has been a very weird exprience. I'll be watching an episode completely immersed in the plot and all of a sudden it will be like deja vu. I'll remember the specific part that's happening and from there the entire episode will come back to me and I'll be like shit! I already watched this! Just thought I would share this with you seeing as it's how I've been spending the last few days of my life.

We're here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff!

Hmm so...college has been so many ups and downs for me so far.
One day I'll lose my I.D. and end up in my car searching for it because I don't have the ridiculous amount of money they charge to replace it. The next I'll be happily making trips to 7-11 with Emily for late night slushis and cigarettes.
I don't know if the ups are balancing the downs or not.
Sometimes I feel like it would be easier if I just moved home next year and got an apartment and went to school in Lansing. But then I think, what is there for me at home? All my friends will have moved onto better things by then and I will still be floundering, wondering what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
All I know is that I look forward to the weekends when I go home and I feel obligated when I'm here. I'm happy when I meet people here but I miss the feeling of high school where everything was so carefree and everyone was so incredibly tight knit.
In all honesty I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Besides that deperessing thought, things have been alright. I applied for a job today and don't have any homework to do tonight which is truly a miracle. I got an awesome package in the mail from home that had bubble containers that look like ice cream in it. I didn't sleep in or skip class and I got my assignments in on time. I drove around in my car for a while smoking cigarettes and listening to indie rock on the radio. I was happy looking at the blue sky and happy listening to Neil Young on my ipod. Plus, the cafeteria had peanut butter pie today. Score.

Misery loves company

So I have officially become bipolar. Bipolar as Fuck.
Just got a phone call reassuring me of how fucked my life is.
What am I doing wrong with this whole college thing?
My friend came to visit last weekend and this weekend went to visit someone else. When she came to see me we had an ok time. We didn't go to any big parties
So, anyhow, this weekend she went to this other school and had a wonderful fucking time. She has already been to at least 7 different parties and has met many cool people. So I just got a phone call telling me how much fun it is at this other school. And it just felt like...Fuck.
I legitimately do not know what I want or how I'm supposed to go about getting whatever the Fuck it is!

Mole People

So...yah.

It's cold outside and basically I've been in my room all day watching videos with Aaron Paul in them and videos about the legalization of marajuana. Don't even get me started on that subject by the way. It all just goes in a big circle with a whole lot of repetitive points.

So yah, besides class today I've pretty much been a recluse. Oh, and the so called 'floor dinner' I went to a few minutes ago. Where one half of the floor crowded around a table and didn't really leave room for anyone else. Wooo.

Nah, it wasnt as bad as it sounds I just sat with my roomate and a couple other people.

This week is passing soooo slowly. Earlier I really felt like I was stoned. Legitimately.

Time was passing slowly, I couldn't stop laughing, and the scent of lemon juice combined with the smell of cigarettes to make a scent that is ridiculously similar to weed. Woah.

Soooo Wheatland in a couple days. Excitiiiing.

Till then, slightly bored. But it's all good.

In fact, I think that's gonna be my new life motto.

SLIGHTLY BORED, BUT IT'S ALLL GOOD.

Suck

Sooo I feel alone. I hate math. I wish I didn't suck so bad at everything. Fuck bipolar moods and fuck me being such a lame ass college freshman.

Good morning sunshine

So yesterday was interesting between locking my keys in my car and almost sleeping through all my classes. Today has been interesting because every class I've been to so far I have forgotten to do the homework assigned! Also I have pretty much lost the ability to sleep through the night due to my ridiculously strong allergies that kep me sneezing relentlessly.

But all in all, I am happy to be back at school. going home this weekend did remind me of the things I miss about home. I.E., sleeping in a big bed where I don't have to worry about waking anyone up, watching whatever I want on T.V. and having the indoor temperature be lower then 1 million!

But it also reminded me of all the things I was sick to death of. My mom nagging me to clean things, dog hair infiltrating everything I touch, all the pointless little things I have to do all the time just because I'm told to.

So basically I'm pretty appreciative of being able to just be up here and do my own thing whenever I want to. So to sum up, I'm feeling completely opposite as I was last friday. I'm in a pretty damn good mood and I'm seeing that even though lately I've had a weird nostalgia for high school, change is a good thing.

Godamn. I really am a Treehugger.

Even though I've been walking around campus non-stop

for the past week, I feel disconnected with nature.
I wanna go outside just to go outside.
I wanna marvel at trees and listen to birds and feel grass between my toes.
I want to wade in a body of natural water and lay in the sun.

Oh, P.S. as long as I'm talking about what I want, I also want Aaron Paul. Just sayin.

Waiting

It feels to me that school so far is a whole lot of waiting.

Waiting for class to start. Waiting for class to end. Waiting to eat. Waiting for meetings. Waiting to go home for the weekend.

Especially that last one.

It feels like forever between now and friday when I will be able to hop in my car, crank up the loud rock music that I never want to bother my roomates with, and drive home to my awaiting family and friends.

I can't wait to do some serious damage when I'm home this weekend. This summer was like my diving board into the deep end of partying and when all of a sudden I'm back on dry land...well it seems a bit boring. And seeing as I don't know a soul up here with which to party, I'm excited to at least go home and do it.

So far school has been bearable. The classes are tough and the conversation is scarce but it isn't as bad as it could be. The worst thing about it, I think, is the constant pressure. Pressure in class, yes. But also pressure to talk to people and be cool and generally have the college experience everyone says you're supposed to have. I realize that it's only been a few days...6 to be exact...but I already feel like I'm not living up to the standard of college fun.

So basically I am excited to go home and get refreshed and see my friends and take a long long long shower and sleep in without feeling like a weirdo.

Why would I feel like a weirdo sleeping in here you ask?

Well everyone in my room wakes up at the crack of dawn...ok well the crack of dawn to me. The general time for them to arise is somewhere around 9 a.m. even when they don't have class until 3 in the afternoon. Which I just cannot even fathom.

That's another major thing about being here. I'm definately the most eclectic of the group of girls living in this room. I sleep late, I swear, I smoke, I lsiten to loud music, I'm messy (compartively), and I like to drink alcohol and smoke weed.

O.K moral of the post...I'm excited to go home this weekend.

Day Two

Day two in the life of newly titled college freshman, Jessie Alward.

Hanging out in my dorm with two of my roomates watching mystery science theater. Pretty much everyone in our building went out tonight, screaming at the top of their lungs and fist pumping while the boys groped the girls and vice versa.

But really it isn't as depressing to me as it was yesterday. I found out that everyone in my room is not into partying so I don't feel like such a lame-o being in here at 10:30 on a friday night. O.K. well I still feel like a lame o but whatever, I'll get over it.

Today's adventures included going to the bokstore to get all my books as well as a trip to wal-mart; half for a bottle of body wash, and half for the air conditioning. We also made an attempt at going to a free screening of Iron Man two and I kinda sorta ended up meeting a guy. His name is Jason, he's a junior and he is studying psychology. He has glasses and is very cute. He got my number. Score!

So now if I can just refrain from completely chickening out...

Anyway my mom is coming up to see my on Sunday which makes me very happy.

Classes start this Monday and I'm both nervous and kinda looking forward to having something to occupy my time.

Right now I'm feeling two major emotions.

one: Homesickness. Missing my friends, and the general feeling of knowing everything about where I am and being totally at ease. Also, I miss smoking weed and knowing everyone is down with it. Here when I talk about it I feel like a weirdo

two: Slight excitement that I'm actually in college.

I'm just kind of waiting for all the crazyness to kick in. I have always heard that college is the time when people go crazy and let loose but right now I just feel bored! Pretty much it feels like I'm away at summer camp.