I wish I always had this feeling

Sometimes I think the world is just one big beautiful photograph.

Thou Shall Not Want

I want something beautiful, colorful, romantic.

I want Bogey in Casablanca, Paul Varjak in Breakfast at Tiffany's, James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause.

I want to be living in 1969, summer of love, drugs, and music.

I want a carefree life. To be a jetsetter and a socialite, free from the worries that hold me down.

I want to be an artist living in an apartment in the Village, thinking outside the box and smoking cigarettes without guilt.

I want to be a writer like Carrie Bradshaw. Beautiful and loved and chic.

I want to be a designer in London. Creating clothing that women will love to pieces. Spending days walking through the streets of brick to find inspiration.

I want to be a trustfund baby. No worries about money or collegiate sucess. Driving expensive cars and living a life of luxury.

I want to be an enviromentalist, a traveler. Making my way across the globe in the name of planet Earth.

I want to be the person anyone can talk to. Making conversation would be a breeze.

I want to be the most beautiful person you've ever seen. Perfect skin, perfect hair, stunning eyes.

I want to be everyone, all at once, starting now.

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping in

I decided to skip my two morning classes and head back to school this evening.
I feel like I'm breaking some kind of law...I feel like this is illegal.
It feels very unnatural to be here on a weekday when I should be passing time in my dorm room. Instead I'm reading books in my own bead, catching up on homework, and praying my grades aren't failing. I feel like I didn't put my all into academia this year and it truly concerns me. Finals are coming up and I feel as unprepared as I can be. I currently have C's in all my classes and that doesn't make me happy. And now that I missed my two morning classes today...ugh. I just don't have any motivaiton, any self control.
The deal is that if I fail even one class, my mom will cut off access to the college account we have both been putting money into for the last 7 years. There's not a whole lot in there, but it's certainly enough to help with the tuition for LCC next semester.
I hate this feeling.

The Official Stoner Top Ten

O.K. so I don't know what constitutes a stoner in your definition. To me it's someone who smokes weed every day. I tried to look up the actual definition on dicitonary.com and it says that it's a device used to remove stones from fruit? However, that's not exatly what I was looking for. Another defintion is someone who is 'habitually' under the influence of marijuana. But whatever you want to define it as, they're out there. So I thought I would create a list of things that are ideal for those of you who ever get the inclination to try marijuana.

The Top Ten:

-Songs to Listen to When You're High

1.) Rogue Wave- Eyes

2.) The Doors- When You're Strange

3.) A Tribe Called Quest- Can I Kick It?

4.) Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here

5.) Modest Mouse- Bukowski

6.) Bob Dylan- Mr. Tambourine Man

7.) Johnny Cash- Folsom Prison Blues

8.) The Beatles- Fixing a Hole

9.) Ratatat- Seventeen Years

10.) The Shins- New Slang

-Movies That Will Make You Crack Up

1.) Mystery Science Theater 3000- Werewolf

2.) The Beatles Yellow Submarine. (Seriously, was it made for any other audience?)

3.) Grandma's Boy

4.) Pineapple Express

5.) Reefer Madness (Reeeferrr Maaaadness!)

6.) Dazed and Confused

7.) Rocky Horror Picture Show

8.) The Wackness

9.) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

10.) Remember the Daze (especially the part with the goose.)

-Things That Will Be More Interesting

1.) Talking to someone about menial things

2.) Thinking you just discovered the concept of mixing foods, like nutella and marshmallows

3.) Watching Will Ferrell movies

4.) Eating food that would normally be meh. Like ramen noodles. Or cereal.

5.) Playing old school video games

6.) Reading books. Any books.

7.) Staring across broad landscapes

8.) Looking at the sky

9.) Watching youtube videos

10.) Too many thoughts in your mind resulting in very short memory. Oh wait...that won't be more interesting...

By the way this is the link to the video that inspired me to write this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df_O-EBjVrk

No Vacancy

This week took its time, to put it lightly.

Actually this week decided to be a complete asshole and go as slowly as possible. It turned every second into an hour, every hour into a day, every day into another week!

Let me just say that I spent a LOT of time watching T.V. online this week. Mucho amounts of Glee, Community, 30 Rock, all that good stuff. Oh, and of course, THE WALKING DEAD. Because it's freaking epic.

But Friday is finally upon me. This weekend I'm having a joint birthday party with my friend Tyler and a few people are coming up to stay in hotel for a couple nights and party until the sun comes up. We're also going to hit the local casino and some crazy antics will ensue I'm sure. The only thing I have to worry about is a math test tomorrow morning. The thing about math is that I can do it, it just takes me a while. My brain functions incredibly slow when it comes to processing numbers. I just can't comprehend it. However, the great thing about my brain is that it allows me to forget about the test as soon as it's completed, no matter how poorly I think I did. It's nice in that way.

In other news I filled out my move out form for my RA and I'm handing it to him tomorrow. I feel guilty leaving college so soon, but I'm just not feeling it. There are good days, yes, but I just don't feel like myself up here. So now I will use a machete to cut my way through the red tape jungle that is transferring college credits and financial aid. Clawing and scraping my way out of this school and into a new one. And the first order of business when I move back near Lansing is to seek a job, IMMEDIATELY. Start saving cash for next year's apartment adventure. Also, can I just say that lately there seems to be talk all over about how no one stays friends with the people they knew in high school. Well, I just want to say that I will probably be breaking that mold. My friends are the only people I can be 100% myself around. I can't imagine letting that go.

Also I feel very wanty right now. Here's what I want.

-A case of juice boxes to sustain the rest of my stay at college.

-Boots and new socks

-A new hair straightener

-A sudden wealth of knowledge in the world of pre-calc

-A never endingly full gas tank

-30 Rock to be on every night of the week

-A double bed instead of a bunk bed. (Why don't they make double sized bunk beds?)

-Modest Mouse tickets

-NEW BREAKING BAD EPISODES RIGHT MEOW.

Yah, that last one was a reference to Super Troopers...

O.K. last thing I want to say, the people I have become friends with at school have been living under a rock until now, yah I'm looking at you Kyle! I know you're reading this. They have been living under a rock because they had never seen Pineapple Express, Grandma's Boy, Grind, or WALK THE LINE!!!! Well, actually I don't know if Kyle has seen Walk the Line, but I know Emily hadn't up until last night! That movie is epic A) because I want to marry Joaquin Pheonix (I would then be Jessica Pheonix, eh, eh?) plus the whole troubled drug addict/ musician thing is attractive in the weirdest way; and B) because I love Johnny Cash's work. Seriously, every song ever. Plus, he also has an incredibly bad ass name. Seriously, Johnny Cash? Born to be a rockstar.

P.S. My mom bought me a Kurt Vonnegut shirt for my birthday and I flipped a lid. SO EXCITED.

Last Teenage Birthday

I had a beautiful birthday today.
I love birthdays because everyone you know calls you and texts you and it makes you feel loved!
Also I got a case of Jones and a new book and some awesome new clothes.
Today was legendary!

Just Plain Happy

I'm very happy right now. My birthday is tomorrow and my best friend and my mom are coming up to my school and we're gonna go do awesome stuff all day. As for today I have no homework to finish, and no obligations to fulfill. I'm just relaxing in a very comfortable chair and talking to my friends on facebook as well as catching up on my weekly television fixes. This includes: Weeds, the Walking Dead, 30 Rock, and Community! I love the internet.

I'm also very happy because I'm having a birthday party at a hotel up here this weekend where all my friends will come up and we will party until the sun comes up. I'm extra happy about this because I just found out that one of my closest friends who I haven't been able to see for a couple of weeks will be coming!

I'm also happy because this weekend was awesome and I smoked some of the most chronic weed I've ever inhaled in my life. It was a beautiful night and we had a bonfire and a good time was had. Now I only have a short week of classes and then I'll be into the best weekend ever, and after the best weekend ever I'll only have class until Wednesday and then I'll be home for Thanksgiving!

Happy is a good good thing.

money makes the world go round.

I always thought people were exaggerating when thy talked about broke college kids. But now that I am one, I realize they were pretty accurate. I'm currently at a plasma donation place in South Lansing and it is full of ghetto people and people who look like they're about a thousand years old. its sketchy to say the least and besides thinking about my car getting jacked while I'm in here, its not so bad. The reason it's not so bad is the fact that they pay $50 for every time you come donate. That's compared to the measley 20 they give you at the clean, sanitary My. Pleasant center. Worth this three hour wait? We'll see.

Note to Self

Stop counting.

Stop conting cigarettes.

Stop counting calories.

Stop counting days.

Stpo counting hours.

Stop counting minutes.

Stop counting grade percentages.

Stop counting the money in your bank account.

Stop counting hours of sleep.

Stop counting the gas in your tank.

Stop counting on the fact that someone else will solve your problems.

Stop counting the time until you get to leave.

Stop counting.

Be happy instead.

Chut Up!

I'm very bored. And tired. And generally sick of feeling bored and tired.

It seems like that is the only way I feel anymore. I had always thought that college would lend me this new found sense of adventure and everything would be exciting. Instead everything is repetitive and dull and I feel so lazy all the time.

Like I have this glazed over look in my eyes, and not in the good way! And I walk around in this zombie-esque state and do nothing. I watch shit on my laptop, I walk to class, I wait to go home on the weekend. That is all I do. Everything is lame.

I know this sounds whiney, but what can I say? My life pisses me off right now.

Plus this weekend, even though Friday was pretty good, pretty much was a big suckfest. I was just dreading coming back to school all weekend and I didn't even get to sleep in. Plus I got jipped on my money when I went to donate plasma and I missed out on a smoke session with this kid who supposedly has really good weed, despite his lisp and short creepy stature.

And I'm just sick of everything. I kind of just want this semester to end. That way I can have a nice long break, enroll in classes at LCC, and hang out with my friends whenever I want to. Instead of spending my time doing absolutely nothing with absolutely no one! Bah!

I just wish I lived somewhere beautiful with my favorite people. Like France or London or...Amsterdam. Haha OK I don't actually want to live in Amsterdam, but those other two are legit! I'm starting a commune. It's decided. We are living in Europe. We will drink iced tea spiked with rum all day long. We will be inherently rich and therefore won't ever worry about the money we spend. Our loft is full of Monet paintings and floor pillows and there are big fluffy overstuffed chairs everywhere you look. We smoke box this apartment whenever there is a special occasion, and get super blazed and walk the streets and gaze at old buildings and eat salty snacks and drink expensive soda. Oh, and a special occasion is any day that ends in 'Y'.

You can come too.

Seriously.

SERIOUSLYSERIOUSLYSERIOUSLY. You're killin me smalls!
Why are all my best friends so awesome and why are they all so far away?!
I really just wish they were here right now to have one of those way-to-funny-because-its-really-late-and-we're-all-overly-tired conversations.
I just want them to all be here, to sit on the floor in my dorm room, to secretly do shots whenever somone on tv says a funny word, to go outside to smoke with me, and to laugh like we have never laughed before!!
GODDAMNIT!
For real though, those kids are the best there ever was.
Everything the light touches, it's not Simba's, it's thiers.
They were what Willis was talkin bout.
Darth Vader was not Luke's father, he was theirs.
They are all that AND a bag of potato chips.
They can punch Chuck Norris in the beard and live to tell the story.
They are the best. And I wish they were here right now to go cause some trouble with me.
THE END.

Right Now

So I know that marijauna, though gaining considerable acceptance, is still widely frowned upon in society. And I hope that my followers aren't offended when I make references about pot. And even though it is pretty taboo, I just want to say something. It has been quite a while since I've had a night where I get together with a bunch of friends and get really really high. And honestly, I miss that and I could really use it right now. I just miss the comfort and happiness of being all warm and giggly and letting my mind wander and explore every little thing that pops into my head. So at the risk of sounding like a huge stoner, I really want to smoke a joint right now.

In other news, there is a big Western vs. Central football game this weekend. The plan is for a couple of my friends to come up, we're supposed to hook up with this friend of a friend and go tailgating and partying with frat guys or whatever.

I can't say that I'm super excited about it, I guess I'm kind of lame in that respect. I mean, I love partying at home with people I know. Some beer pong, loud music, inside jokes, and coming either back to me or Melissa's house around 3 or 4 a.m., I mean, it's pretty much awesome. But for some reason the prospect of partying with a bunch of college kids doesn't sound great to me.

So there's the update on my exciting college life!

What's up buttercup

So today was not bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. It was pretty much a typical day in the life since I've come to school.
I slept through one class and one class was canceled. I ate lunch. I went to the library where I watched Hulu and did homework for five hours. I went to a reading with Emily and then came back to the room where I am now wearing sweatpants and watching a movie. Pretty damn exciting.

I hate the feeling I get when I spend all day indoors up here. It's not like spending all day inside when I'm at home. Here I feel all weird and stagnant and I get this taste in my mouth that's just like...blegh...from sitting all day staring at computer and not eating for extended amounts of time. Human beings are just not meant for sitting all day looking at screens. We should be out doing things, exciting things, worthwhile things. Sometimes I just want to say damn the internet, but then again if I didn't have the internet what the hell would I do all day? Oh, wait, I would do constructive, active things! Psh, I can't imagine.


For real though, sometimes I can't stand how I contribute absolutely nothing to society. But then again society has conditioned me to think that college is for being broke and smoking large amounts of weed. Check and Check.

The Great Debate

So, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm in college right now. I go to Central Michigan University; but what I don't go to are parties. Even though I heard from many people before coming here that this school was, pun intended, Party Central. And, honestly, I can see it. I can see it all around me! Everyone on my floor, hell everyone in my building, spends every thursday night out at frats hitting parties and drinking till the sun comes up.

So, when I first started going here I went through a few different stages with the whole lack of partying thing. At first, I was like "Well I just started going here, I'll go to some parties eventually." Then it progressed to, "Once I meet some more people, maybe they'll drink and what not." And now it's hovering comfortably at "O.K. so I'm never going to party up here."

Thus the title of this post, The Great Debate! Hezzah!

...Yah that was bad.

Anyway, I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to spend another semester up here or if I would rather go back to Lansing for a few months. The latter option would save me money in both tuition and gas. However, it would make me a big lame-o for copping out of school after only half a year.

It's just that I don't think I'm reaching my full potential up here. I do a whole lotta nothin and as much as I love being lazy, doing nothing can get really old after a while. Being home gives me a lot more opportunities to go do things. And by things, I don't just mean going to parties. I mean that Lansing is practically my hometown and I know much more about it then I know about this town. I love the awesome sushi place, I love the hookah lounge, I love the thrift stores, I love everything in Old Town, I love the boutiques, I love the Sugar Shack, I love MSU's campus! I love it all!

So what I'm getting at is the fact that I'm getting bored up here, despite the cool people I've met, and I don't know if I'm willing to pay an $18,000 price tag to be bored.

Also, I miss just going on adventures with my friends. Just jumping in the car, windows down, and driving to some random destination. That shit was the best. Seriously, like, the happiest days of my life.