Life

I'm feeling a lot these days. I'm feeling stressed and busy and hectic. I'm feeling tired and lazy and lost. I'm feeling happy and hopeful and responsible.
The thing about the responsible feeling though, the thing is that it feels forced. It's just not me. I'm not equipped to handle real life, I'm just pretending to be. Although I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job at pretending. Paying bills, making rent, going to work, going to class. Making coffee in the morning, going to the gas station, checking the mail, eating fast food, listening to the radio, getting stuck in traffic, sitting through lectures, reading textbooks.
I see how people end up doing nothing with their lives. Because all the mundane things take up all the time. I used to look at people who were doing nothing except going to work everyday and going to the drive-thru at McDonalds and going to bed at ten at night and think how sad they were. Pathetic, I thought. But now that's me and I don't feel pathetic. I feel used up and bored and it's hard for me to get any creative energy flowing. But I don't feel pathetic because this is what I have to do. I have to work a job. I have to go to school. I have to do these things. Right?
Because as far as I can tell this is the only path. I have no other discernible talents. I can't join a band and become famous. I can't just pack and travel across the country because I'm broke and I'm too scared and socially awkward. I can't do the things I want to because they're unrealistic and unachievable.
I really shouldn't complain. I love so many things about my life. My friends and my family are fucking amazing. It's just that I feel like I'm settling into this dull rut and I'm a little scared that this is what life is like for everyone and no one ever bothered to tell me.

Life Moves Forward

It's been a while since I've updated this blog because I have no internet in my new place! But I am home visiting my mom right now so I'm eating all her food and using the wi-fi like there's no tomorrow.
So basically here is the update on my life. The new house is great, I love it entirely. It's small but it's homey and all my friends make it feel as if I've lived there my whole life. We cook meals together, play old video games on the N64, smoke, and watch movies. It's pretty fantastic. I even managed to make rent with no problems, although it did leave me broke but it's worth it to be living there. The area is a little shady but about two blocks down is the coolest district in Lansing which is Old Town. There's a river walk, antique stores, cafes, and boutiques. So it's worth the slightly shady neighborhood.
I met a guy through my job at the mall. His name is Marc and he has many tattoos and piercings and he's tall and funny and I have a total crush on him.
My classes are even better than I thought they would be. They're challenging and interesting and time flies when I'm studying the material. I never thought I would actually ENJOY a biology class, but I do.
I got my car back! My car had been at the mechanics for a little over 3 months and for about 3 weeks of that time I had two jobs and classes to make it to every day and no ride to get there. So now that I have it back I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.
Plus, Autumn is going to be in Michigan very soon and this makes me very very happy! Fall is absolutely my favorite season and it's the best in the Mitten State. I'm psyched to wear scarves and sweaters and skinny jeans and drink pumpkin lattes on my way to class.
So basically I've been busy and life gets a little tiring sometimes, but overall I feel really really good about everything. Every once and a while I stop and take a breath and just smile at how awesome my life is right now. I get the feeling that this will be one of the best years of my life.