The Slight Silver Lining

So things have been looking up a bit lately. I mean, the feeling is nowhere near what it used to be of freedom and happiness in the summer but at least it doesn't feel so depressing now.
I've been spending the majority of my days worrying about college (which I promised myself I wouldn't do by the way) and sitting around trying to figure out something fun to do.
I feel a weird constant fear of and excitement for college. I will be happy to get a fresh start and get out of this funk I'm in. But I'm also worried that I will never get a boyfriend and that I will flunk all my math and science classes. So basically I'm anxious to see what it will be, but I feel guilty for this anticipation.
I feel guilty because this is the summer after my senior year and I should be spending every minute laughing and living it up instead of spending my days smoking a growing number of ciggarettes and wrapping my brain around the way everything is changing.
Well as for an update on the last couple of weeks, here goes.
I went to Katie's party last saturday night and it was kick ass. It was a pretty good size party, about 30 people, a keg, and 90 cans of beer in a trash can full of ice, and I knew almost everyone so the night really was sweet. Plus this kid who was super drunk out of his mind kept hitting on me and kissing my neck and rubbing my leg. I realize that this kid would have been doing these things to anything that could walk due to the drunken stupor he was in, but no matter the amount of alcohol involved it's still flattering when someone calls you gorgeous. Especially since I very very rarely get hit on.
So that was fun.
Lets see...I made an o.k. amount of money at my open house, about $250 which I am using to buy my ticket for Bliss and stock my dorm.
I'm feeling overwhelmed by the idea of everything I still ahve to get for school. I don't ahve any of my books and I keep procrastianting all the paperwork I need to file for financial aid. blaahhh.
So tonight was chill, I hung out over at Kristi's for a while with Melissa and Renee. We went for a walk and stumbled upon some really pretty trails where Renee proceded to get pooped on by a bird. Which made us all laugh hysterically. We then returned here to watch some Mystery Science Theater 3000 and now here I am. It's probably good that I'm gonna get to bed early tonight because tomorrow I'm going to see Against Me play in Lansing plus there are rumors of a kegger happening somewhere so that may play into it. So I'm off to bed to rest up for what is hopefully a full day tomorrow because I am so over sitting around all day not doing shit.

Here I sit. Another night in my living room watching reruns of breaking bad. Listening to the rain. Wondering where it all went.
I'm excited to leave for college this fall but I have one significant fear. I fear that everyone my age is going to be the same. Partyers who love lil Wayne but don't see the appeal of hendrix or a well written novel. And it drives me fucking crazy.
All I hope is that I don't arrive at college to find a bunch of people competing to see who can get more drunk and who can get the hottest member of the opposite sex into bed. Though from what I hear that is exactly what it may be.

Another Day

So today was good if not a little dull. I spent most of it doing things I didn't really want to do, I.E., running errands, returning movies, retrieving things from the hardware store.

But I also recieved a pleasant surprise when Cathy told me she could get me a free pedicure from her beauty school...fricken score!

It was relaxing and I hung around for much longer then needed talking with her and getting some food from Buffalo Wild Wings.

Earlier today I hit the movie store to fulfill my wishes of watching Always Sunny in Philadelphia, season 3, but they didn't have it! Not one season! So I stood there longingly staring at seasons one and two of Breaking Bad, wishing I hadn't already seen every episode on those discs. Eventually I rented a movie with Brad Pitt that looked much better than it actually was. I watched the whole thing and remained confused and bored by the end, took a very long shower, napped for like 5 seconds then left for Lansing to get the pedicure.

Since I didn't get to bed last night until 2:30 and then had to wake up at 6:30 this morning I dont feel too bad for taking the night off to watch whatever new episode of Intervention is on OnDemand and go to bed early. If there are no new episodes of anything good I will probably play Spyro for a couple hours then hit the hay. Don't judge me.

Fighter of the Night Man!

It is a rainy Michigan day. My yard is being torn to shreds by various cranes and trucks and I only got 4 hours of sleep last night, roughly. So I'm pretty much thinking that today will be a day for renting an entire season of either Always Sunny in Philadelphia or How I Met Your Mother, popping some corn, and snuggling up with a a quilt on the couch all afternoon. I may fall asleep...scratch that I will fall asleep. And it shall be good.

The only tragedy is that this wholesome afternoon of complete couch potato-ism can only begin after I drive my mom's friend to and from the Detroit airport which lies roughly an hour and a half from my home. She hates Bob Dylan, loves Nickelback, and believes that wearing deoderant will legitimately give you cancer.

Lord help me.

Today

I am going on a trip to the beautiful Grand Haven Michigan.

I often forget how beautiful Michigan is until another trip to a quaint lake town like Grand Haven. I love the shops, the people, the water. I love it all.

Come to think of it, I love Michigan in general. This place is the bomb.

I hope this trip will be a good way to relax and clear my head and not worry about what everyone else is doing for a while.

Different than expected

So happy to finally be able to get online for a minute again. Catch up on my Breaking Bad reviews, post a new blog, and so on and so forth.
So remember that last post I wrote in which I said, "OK well I wont be getting online but this summer is going to be awesome!" or something along those lines?
Welllllll not so much. I mean sure this summer has had its moments but I have spent a majority of time sitting in my house alone reading or otherwise killing time.
I'm in a weird place because recently I feel that two of my fbest friends have become exceedingly close and my other best friend has extracted herself from the situation entirely.
This summer has been good in the way that most kids my age would want it to be good: lots of parties, lots of dirnking, staying up until 5 A.M. frequently, all that business. But I miss what it was like last summer where everyday we would just hang out and do whatever. Just go shopping or go to the beach or walk aimlessly around town. Now it's like we can't even do anything until well after the sun sinks below the horizon.
I probably wouldn't be having these issues if I, like everyone else, had someone to hang out with each night of the opposite sex. Literally everytime I go to the house where we hang out to party I am the only one who falls asleep alone. It gets very old.
You know that old saying 'it feels like I'm alone in the middle of a crowded room'? Well that's kind of how its going for me.
Plus I feel like my relationship with one of my friends is in such a weird place that I can't even force it to feel normal anymore.
But today is another day and hopefully a better day. I'm going to see my brother in rehab which may sound depressing but really it isn't. I'm excited to see him and talk to him as his sober self because that's when he's the best.
Then I'm going to do something with my dad for fathers day and it has to be something good because he's really stepped up his fatherly game lately. He's been super nice to me, helped me set up my whole open house, bought me a class ring, then gave me $100 on tope of that as a graduation gift! So I'm thinking I'm going to take him out for some Coldstone's and give him something...something homemade.
So basically the moral of the story is that I'm pretty lost right now and I don't know exactly what to do to snap myself out of it. I hope things get better in July and I hope everything just falls back into place. I mean, I don't even have new episodes of Breaking Bad to look forward to this summer because the season ended. :[

Goodbbyyyyye!

So after this post I will be posting much less often...but I will also no longer be waking up at 6 A.M everyday to come here for no reason. It smells like bacon in this piece.

So I thought I would post this in case I don't get on the internet for a while. I just wanted you all to know that summer is going to be awesome and though I may not be blogigng, I will be havin a freakin blast. So...farewell!...possibly.

Dreamweaver

This is the second to last morning I will ever be here.

It started out with a nice stomach ache which I tried to calm by purchasing a chocolate milk and cinnamon roll, which turned out to be undercooked. Not the best idea in retrospect.

So there's that.

Yesterday I went to the mall with Sierra and Renee to look for a birthday present for Katie. Instead I found an awesome beach hat and a pair of aviators for like...8 dollars.

Yah...I'm a good friend.

On the way home we put the top down on Sierra's beat up Mustang and bumped Fergie like the thugs that we are. It was nice. After that we went back to my house and watched Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion and Mark came over to hang out for a few hours. I actually got to bed at a decent time because I had enough self control to not pick up my book.

The book I'm reading right now, in case you were wondering, is called My Friend Leonard and it's sort of the sequel to a Million Little Pieces. Both books are by James Frey and both have very similar writing styles: choppy, rough, straight to the point. It never gets old. When I pick up this book I forget to do anything else, including look at a clock, so I often end up staying up way to late while reading it.

Right now I would really rather be at home snuggled into my quilt on my bed sleeping the rainy morning away. But instead I'm here killing time and wondering how much I really even got out of this class...oh well only one more day!

P.S. here is a countdown of days until all the exciting summer activities:

Blissfest: 36 days

Hawaii: 45 days

Warped Tour: 58 days

Hello Goodbye

So you may notice my posts becoming a bit more sporadic.

My LCC classes will be coming to an end on Friday and high school is already done, therefore I will have much less time to kill. Not that I don't love blogger, because I really do. But I can only spend so much of my summer inside on the computer as opposed to living it up.

I can promise you though that as soon as everything starts coming together for my freshman year, I will be right back here posting like nobodies business.

So, updates on life.

I finally called Andrew for a real conversation, instead of the very drunken call I placed on Friday night. I discovered...he is really not my type. He is loud, racist, doesn't read, and doesn't really understand sarcasm all that much.

I'm dissapointed because I really wanted a fling this summer. Honestly I was trying to force it to work with him because I never get hit on. Ever. So I pretty much jumped at the opportunity to have a guy even consider me, but it just wasn't right. So...lame.

So the remainder of this week will be spent waking up at 6:00 A.M. to come here to LCC where I am finished with everything I'm supposed to have done. Friday is Katie's 18th birthday and we are celebrating with a trip to either the hookah lounge or to a club. Also we will be having a picnic for her at the beach for those of her friends who aren't yet 18.

Saturday I have about a million open houses to attend, which I'm actually looking forward to. Then on saturday night I'll probably end up at Tyler's house for Sierra's after-party. I know that kristi and Melissa aren't going though because they'll be at the clubhouse so we'll see if that ends up working out.

Sunday is GRADUATION!

I'm so excited to be declared offically graduated from high school. I'm glad to not just be scraping by with a GED like my brother did. I'm glad to have actually accomplished something in these last four years. I am so glad. After graduation I'm going out with my mom and her boyfriend and possibly my dad to eat at my favorite restaurant. Yes this may be harmful to my diet, but I'm ordering salmon, so it doesn't count!

My dad is throwing a hissy fit because my mom's boyfriend is going out to dinner with us, he probably doesn't know that he's attending the actual graduation ceremony too...